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Band 4.5

It seems that in majority of countries there are not enough students that are keen to learn science-related subjects. Factors that caused this issue and consequences of it on society will be discussed in this essay.

#majority #countries #students #subjects #factors #consequences #society
It seems that in
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 there are not enough students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are keen to learn science-related subjects. Factors that caused
this
 issue and consequences of it on society will be discussed in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, there are several factors that cause
this
 issue.
Firstly
, people do not understand how are they going to apply the scientific concepts that they study in their adult life, which is vastly demotivating.
This
 complaint often sounds like
this
 "How am I going to use the fact, that a mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell to pay my taxes?".
Secondly
, some schools offer scientific content,
that is
 too hard for young people to grasp.
This
 leads to a situation, in which a student receives bad grades across several
consequtive
Correct your spelling
consecutive
 tests and,
thus
,
losing
Wrong verb form
loses
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 the passion to learn science. Unfortunately,
this
 problem can
leads
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lead
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 to some bad consequences for societies. First of all, physics, biology and chemistry cover a lot of working fields - from a chemical engineer in a bug spray factory to a scientist
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is working
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on the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 cure for a particular virus or an infection.
Absence
Correct article usage
The absence
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 of interest in those subjects in a general population may lead to a lack of people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can work in those jobs.
This
 may lead to various consequences:
for example
, the lack of rocket scientists may lead to a
slow down
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slowdown
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 in the progress
in
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of
show examples
 the space
programm
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programme
program
. Sadly, more and more teenagers are losing interest towards physics, chemistry and biology which may
cause
Verb problem
have
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 an
unpredicticably
Correct your spelling
unpredictably
unpredictable
 bad impact on our civilisation as a whole.
Submitted by alexander.vectorgs on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured adequately with an introduction, main paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the logical progression of ideas could be improved. Try to ensure your paragraphs flow smoothly from one to another with clear connections and transitions.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are identifiable, but they can be enhanced. Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. For the conclusion, summarize your main points effectively without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but the essay would benefit from more elaboration and detailed explanation. Incorporate a better variety of complex structures and fully develop your arguments to strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Address the task with a complete response, ensuring to cover all aspects of the prompt. While you did touch on the factors and consequences, there could be a more detailed and analytical response to directly answer the question.
task achievement
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and a series of sentences that explain and support that idea with detail and examples.
task achievement
Your essay needs more relevant and specific examples. Concrete examples add weight to your arguments and support your points. Make sure that the examples are directly linked to the subject matter and illustrate the impact of the issue being discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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