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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart shows the distribution of employment among agriculture, services, industries in three countries in 1980 and in 2020

The bar chart shows the distribution of employment among agriculture, services, industries in three countries in 1980 and in 2020
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The chart illustrates the people's activities in three different countries in 1980 and in 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that they have a significant increase in agriculture, industry and services
whereas
Linking Words
 the other country has fluctuated amount in per cent. Regarding the
two
Use synonyms
 highest activities, they both have quite the same pattern for the 3 distribution activities. Agriculture has the smallest amount either in home A only 20% or in home B about 5%.
Whereas
Linking Words
 industry distribution has slightly increased each year by approximately 30%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, services have skyrocketed in
two
Use synonyms
 years about 50% in urban A and 70% in urban B. For the remaining country, provincial B has fluctuating percentages.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
two
Use synonyms
 distributions have the highest percentages in agriculture at 50%,
as well as
Linking Words
 in services at 40%. Meanwhile, the industry has the lowest number in
two
Use synonyms
 different years by an average of 30%. We can conclude that charts A and C have a significant upward,
while
Linking Words
 chart C has
unexpected
Correct article usage
an unexpected
show examples
 percentage.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words two with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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