IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Playing computer games is bad for children whereas others say that it has positive effects. Discuss both sides

#computer #games #children #effects
There is no doubt that these days
computer
games
 have a huge effect on our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 for our
kids
. People have different views about whether
children
 play
computer
games
 .
while
 some of them say it has a bad effect ,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think it has a good impact on them. In
this
 essay, I will analyse both points. On the one hand, playing
computers
Change the noun form
computer
show examples
games
 for
children
 can be a great source of intelligence. When
kids
 start the game and they win in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 level, that makes the
kids
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
complete all levels. The key here is that make the
children
 know the steps and secrets of every game.
A recent
Remove the article
Recent
show examples
 research proves a direct correlation between playing
games
 and the intelligence of
children
.
Addition
Change preposition
In addition
show examples
 to
previous
Change the article
the previous
show examples
 point, the focus nowadays
going
Verb problem
is
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 technology and programming , so if our
kids
 are playing at the youngest ages , they can easily learn more about the
basic
Fix the agreement mistake
basics
show examples
 of programming which will effect definently in good way their future.
On the other hand
, it truly has a negative impact on
children
 . it is possible to say that poor results in schools and problems of lack of communication because of playing
computer
games
.
For instance
, spend a lot of time playing
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 any control from their parents during exam days, absolutely they will have
a bad grades
Correct the article-noun agreement
bad grades
a bad grade
show examples
.
In addition
, sitting in front of
screen
Add an article
the screen
a screen
show examples
 without
communicate
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 will affect their speech skills. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
 question . I can understand why people might say playing
computer
games
 is bad and why some of them say good depends on the above reasons that I mentioned in the essay.
Submitted by wesalalrwthy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the discussion topic and previews the main points. Use clear topic sentences to begin each paragraph, which should be followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly using a range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) to maintain the flow and readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Clearly present a conclusion that summarizes the main points of the essay and provides a clear answer to the question posed, reflecting the discussion within the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task with relevant ideas and develop them fully. Make sure to discuss both sides of the argument as the question requires, and present a clear personal position if required.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points and add weight to your arguments. Examples should be relevant and clearly linked to the points you are making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: