IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Playing computer games is bad for children whereas others say that it has positive effects. Discuss both sides

#computer #games #children #effects
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There is no doubt that these days
computer
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games
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 have a huge effect on our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 for our
kids
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. People have different views about whether
children
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 play
computer
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games
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 .
while
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 some of them say it has a bad effect ,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think it has a good impact on them. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse both points. On the one hand, playing
computers
Change the noun form
computer
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 for
children
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 can be a great source of intelligence. When
kids
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 start the game and they win in
first
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the first
show examples
 level, that makes the
kids
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to
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apply
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complete all levels. The key here is that make the
children
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 know the steps and secrets of every game.
A recent
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Recent
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 research proves a direct correlation between playing
games
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 and the intelligence of
children
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.
Addition
Change preposition
In addition
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 to
previous
Change the article
the previous
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 point, the focus nowadays
going
Verb problem
is
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to
Change preposition
on
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 technology and programming , so if our
kids
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 are playing at the youngest ages , they can easily learn more about the
basic
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basics
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 of programming which will effect definently in good way their future.
On the other hand
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, it truly has a negative impact on
children
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 . it is possible to say that poor results in schools and problems of lack of communication because of playing
computer
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games
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.
For instance
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, spend a lot of time playing
with out
Correct your spelling
without
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 any control from their parents during exam days, absolutely they will have
a bad grades
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bad grades
a bad grade
show examples
.
In addition
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, sitting in front of
screen
Add an article
the screen
a screen
show examples
 without
communicate
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communication
show examples
 will affect their speech skills. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question . I can understand why people might say playing
computer
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games
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 is bad and why some of them say good depends on the above reasons that I mentioned in the essay.
Submitted by wesalalrwthy on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the discussion topic and previews the main points. Use clear topic sentences to begin each paragraph, which should be followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly using a range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) to maintain the flow and readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Clearly present a conclusion that summarizes the main points of the essay and provides a clear answer to the question posed, reflecting the discussion within the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task with relevant ideas and develop them fully. Make sure to discuss both sides of the argument as the question requires, and present a clear personal position if required.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points and add weight to your arguments. Examples should be relevant and clearly linked to the points you are making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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