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Band 4

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #places #people #ban
Smoking is currently unlawful in collective locations in many nations. Many citizens trust that a prohibition is vindicated. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
 forbid because it can reduce the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
 who are addicted to cigarettes and
also
 prevent lung diseases caused by tobacco First of all , if smoking bans are widespread at supermarkets, parks or restaurants it can decrease the quantity of humans depending on gasber .
This
 is because they can't indiscriminate smoking like before , it
also
 can gradually lessen the habit of using tobacco . When
people
 get used to being banned from public
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
, they will be more aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 their bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For instance
, countries impose penalties when citizens smoke in general places with bans to
decline
Verb problem
decrease
show examples
 the rate of smoking.
Furthermore
, healthcare is the most important concern right now in lots of states , especially lung diseases . The main cause of bronchi malady is the effect of cigarette smoke , its harmful influence is very dangerous and serious for
people
's lungs . It can lead to other
organs'
Fix the agreement mistake
organ'
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illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
.
In addition
, smoking not only injures the direct user but
also
 those around it .
For example
,
according to
 the
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 proof , females and children are two of
subjects
Correct article usage
the subjects
show examples
 that often inhale passive tobacco smoke and their development and reproduction are affected. In conclusion, I completely agree that
this
 prohibition is reasonable because of the damage that
gasber
Correct your spelling
gasser
gasper
 brings to human life .
People
 can reduce their hobbies of smoking in both public and private areas .
Besides
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the ban can protect and avert lung cancer in themselves and their family.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Coherence & Cohesion
It is critical to focus on developing a logical structure throughout the essay. Your paragraphs seem disjointed, with ideas not flowing smoothly from one to another. Additionally, the main points should build on each other in a coherent manner to enhance the argument.
Task Achievement
While you addressed the topic, your response lacked full completion. To improve, ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly discussed, and your ideas are fully expanded on with clear explanations. Providing more concrete and pertinent examples to substantiate your arguments can also enhance task achievement.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • prevalence
  • respiratory issues
  • environmental pollution
  • litter
  • healthcare costs
  • smoking-induced illnesses
  • encourage smokers to quit
  • public health improvement
  • justified
  • public spaces
  • exposure
  • non-smokers
  • inconvenience
  • younger populations
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