IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is said that the fast pace of our everyday life, as a direct result of the rapid development of telecommunications technology and the travel industry, has negative effects on individuals, nations, and the globe. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pace #life #development #telecommunications #technology #travel #industry #effects #individuals #nations #globe
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The rapid development of telecommunications technology in our generation has resulted
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the fast
pace
 of our everyday
life
. Some
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that living
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
such
pace
Correct article usage
a pace
show examples
 has negative effects on each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 and practically the whole world. I somehow agree, because living
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
show examples
pace
 would make some
individuals
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 too greedy, or
in contrast
, too lazy. People who are living in a country with business and economic trade as their main income will try their best to always be quick at work and follow up the trend in order to keep their economy running. But, what if the trend is stuck because the ideas and resources are in crisis? They would likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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become greedy and push other nations which
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a slow living
pace
 with high resource to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bargain with them.
This
 could lead to a conflict. Particularly speaking for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
, people who live in a fast-paced environment would feel more burdened and
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
 compared to those who live in a slow-paced environment. They cannot live their
life
 to the fullest and enjoy nice little things in
life
 due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 demanding society they are living in.
As a result
, they would feel less valued in
life
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 could lead to
mentally
Replace the word
mental
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burnt
Correct your spelling
burnout
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out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. That could make them lazy and think that there's no use in working hard. In conclusion, living is something that we need to enjoy and cherish. Quick changes in
life
, work, or even society could be beneficial for some. But
in addition
, it needs to be balanced and not based
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 greed. I somehow agree that living
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
show examples
pace
 would
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 some negative effects, for
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
examples
Add a comma
examples,
show examples
individuals
becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 too greedy, or
in contrast
, too lazy. We need to live a balanced
life
 to live our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 comfortably.
Submitted by anindya.khansalihara on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states whether you agree or disagree with the statement, providing a foundation for your argument.
task achievement
The main body paragraphs should explore issues in depth, with relevant examples and clear explanations showing how the points raised relate to the thesis.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to structure the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop the conclusion to succinctly summarize the main points and reiterate the individual's stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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