IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Discussion Some people get into debt buying things they don’t need and can’t ‎afford.What are the reasons for this behaviour?What action can be taken ‎to prevent people having this problem?‎

#discussion #people #debt #don’t #can’t #‎afford #behaviour #action #‎to
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The number of people going bankrupt is increasing and many of them are so
due to
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 taking personal loans for unnecessary stuff. We are going to talk about the causes of
this
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 condition and what solutions
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be taken to prevent it. Latest statistics showed that the percentage of loans in the Gulf region has grown to 7 Billion Dollars and
this
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 figure has doubled in the
last
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 five years. What's more surprising is that
this
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 debt was taken to purchase cosmetic and unnecessary goods like fancy cars or simply travel. There are many reasons ,but
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 the effect of good media teams is evident. Vivid and attractive advertisement pushes people to fall after desires and not needs. What's more important is the effect of bad role models and social media figures,
whom
Correct pronoun usage
whose
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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focus of many of them is to exhibit expensive
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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, spend and show off what they possess.
On the other hand
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, the solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
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 problem is very achievable if started early. Early education of young on how
to
Change preposition
apply
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to use their money and
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
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 of managing their
finacials
Correct your spelling
financials
financial
 through simple courses will make a huge
differance
Correct your spelling
difference
. Start with your kid, allow him to manage his pocket money and train him to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 some, gradually introduce
biger
Change the word
bigger
show examples
 amounts to him and bigger tasks and eventually the saving and good balance mindset will grow. Governments can control
this
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 too by forcing strong
legistilations
Correct your spelling
legislation
legislations
 on banks,
such
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 as prohibiting loans
to exceed
Change preposition
from exceeding
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 40% of the basic income of any employee,
thus
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 making sure that the debt can be paid later on.
To sum up
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Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
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, the effect of
materialistic
Correct article usage
a materialistic
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 lifestyle and
tendency
Correct article usage
the tendency
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 to spend is a big issue, yet solutions for
this
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 problem exist and would make a big change if started early.
Submitted by e.g.slais on

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task achievement
The essay provides a basic response to the task prompt, but it requires further development to fully satisfy the question's requirements. Make sure to explore the issues and solutions more comprehensively, providing more specific examples and explaining them in greater detail to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas and examples, but the structure can be improved for greater clarity. Use cohesive devices effectively, ensuring paragraphs flow logically from one to the next. Additionally, ensure the introduction and conclusion are clear and encapsulate the main points of the essay.
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