IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #copy #behaviour #celebrities #food #drink #habits
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The question of whether Young people are easily influenced by unhealthy habits is a deeply controversial topic. In my opinion, celebrities should be concerned in society especially, youngsters because of fascinating advertisements and lack of maturity. Nowadays, organizations or advertising companies target young people in the view of increasing their profits. Using celebrities in their marketing strategy helps to seek the attention of society smoothly. Despite thinking professionally, their stinginess makes them self-indulgent over the common good.
Furthermore
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, promoting these paves the way for high chances of getting addicted to bad habits
such
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 as smoking, drinking, and so on. It is easy to manipulate youngsters through advertisements because they are fascinated by celebrities.
For instance
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, the enormous usage of tobacco raised in Mumbai because their popular actor advertised in pan masala. These influence them to use without hesitation and intellectual thinking. It is easy to attract youngsters because of the lack of maturity rather than being productive. even though the adverts
capitivate
Correct your spelling
captivate
 them,it is in the hands of young people how to handle and to be self-aware.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Make your position clear and provide a balanced discussion if required by the prompt, addressing both sides of the argument before reaching a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on creating clear and logical connections between your ideas. Use a variety of linking words to show the relationships between your points, and organize your essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorsement
  • influence
  • lifestyle
  • consciousness
  • social responsibility
  • regulation
  • liberty
  • supply and demand
  • unintended consequences
  • critical thinking
  • brand image
  • nutrition
  • public figure
  • health advocacy
  • restrictions
  • moderation
  • consumer behavior
  • market forces
  • ethical advertising
  • personal brand
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