Many elderly people are no longer after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#people #families #care #homes #home #trend

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The population of human beings in the world is growing rapidly, but still, around 40% of it is dominated by groups of elderly

people

. there is a huge distinguishment between the culture of how the young generation treats elderly

people

in Asia and America. In Asia, usually, elderly

people

are being taken care of by their

children

. So they live in one of their

children

's houses. But

this

doesn't happen in America. In America, when we reach the age of 17, we are allowed to leave the house and live independently. we are able to work

while

being college

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

as the government allows the permission of

people

at the minimum age of 17 to work. we

coud

Correct your spelling

could

for example

be a freelancer in a newspaper agency or we could be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

part-time

worker

Fix the agreement mistake

workers

show examples

in a supermarket.

while

we are doing

this

, our parents are

also

growing older and of

course

Add a comma

course,

show examples

they have to choose between having a permanent nurse in the house

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

or moving to a nursing

home

. it is beneficial if elderly

people

decide to have a permanent nurse. they will still be living in their own building, doing things that they are interested in, and their

children

will still be visiting them regularly. but, we must be extra careful in choosing the right nurse, as nowadays

people

tend to fool us as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elderly

people

caretaker

Fix the agreement mistake

caretakers

show examples

but they steal all the belongings of their employer.

this

what

Correct word choice

where

show examples

a nursing

home

fill

Correct subject-verb agreement

fills

show examples

the blank spot. when we

finally

decide which nursing

home

is the best, they

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

guarantee that their nurses,

their

Correct word choice

and their

show examples

services, are all undoubtable. but speaking about a moment, elderly

people

will slowly lose their moment because they will

live

Correct your spelling

leave

show examples

their building, their

children

could still visit but their time will be limited, and they will be placed

together with

other elderly

people

whom

Change preposition

with whom

show examples

they

don't

Verb problem

aren't

show examples

familiar

before

Rephrase

apply

show examples

overall

, the

choise

Correct your spelling

choice

between putting elderly parents

Change preposition

show examples

home

Add an article

the home

show examples

and taking them to a nursing

home

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

advantages and disadvantages on its own, given back to

how

Correct word choice

what

show examples

they really want,

how

Correct word choice

what

show examples

they really need, and how they

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

afford it.

Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on Tue Dec 05 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a coherent structure, which makes it difficult to follow your argument. It is essential to have a clear introduction outlining the topic, followed by well-organized paragraphs, each presenting a central idea supported by examples or explanations, and a concluding paragraph to summarize your points.

task achievement

The essay fails to address the task adequately. The question asks for the advantages and disadvantages of elderly people living in care homes versus with their families. While you do mention some aspects of both situations, you need to explicitly state and elaborate on specific advantages and disadvantages. Furthermore, reference to a specific culture (American) without contrasting it to another diminishes the comprehensiveness of the response. The inclusion of personal pronouns ('we') is inappropriate for academic essay writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

353 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In modern society, it is a common sight to see young individuals spending a substantial amount of time on their mobile devices each day. While several factors contribute to this trend, I believe that this phenomenon is creating detrimental health outcomes for children.
7.5
band
Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their lives. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of the trend outweigh the disadvantages?
The average childbearing age has been growing because of the combination of the popularisation of higher education and constantly increasing living costs. Although this phenomenon has reduced population pressure among developing countries, it has actually posed serious threats to the labour market.
8.5
band
You recently went to a concert and thought one of the singers was very good You want to tell him how you feel. Write a letter to the singer. In your letter say how you feel about his petformance give details of your musical activities explain how you would like him to help you with your musical activities
I am writing to express my appreciation for your performance at the Scotia Arena in Toronto last week.
7.5
band
Plastic products are bad for environment? Tell me the cause and solution?
Plastic items can be detrimental to the environment. This essay discusses some of the reasons why and provides practical solutions to address this problem.The core issue with many plastic products lies in their non-recyclable or difficult-to-recycle nature. Rather than fully decomposing, these items often break down into tiny microplastic particles. This causes significant risks to ecosystems and human well-being, as microplastics have been increasingly linked to emerging health concerns. Furthermore, these microscopic organisms can actually play a role in generating significant quantities of greenhouse gases, which then go on to influence weather patterns and climate conditions. For instance, the increased production of these heat-trapping gases by certain microbes can contribute to rising temperatures that many regions have been grappling with. One of the biggest solutions to reducing plastic pollution is improving waste management infrastructure and recycling capabilities, especi...
7.5
band
It is universally accepted that eating too much sugar has a negative effect on people’s health. Therefore, some believe that the government should control the amount of sugar people consume. Others think that it is the responsibility of an individual to monitor their sugar intake. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is often debated that higher organisations should eliminate the excessive intake of sugar that humans consume while others believe that every human being should look over their diet that contains glucose content as there is a great adverse effect of taking sugar at a higher level to the health of the individual which is proven worldwide. In this essay , I will briefly explain both prospects and my opinion.

Many elderly people are no longer after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their lives. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of the trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Plastic products are bad for environment? Tell me the cause and solution?