Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

Young
people
have a tendency to copy
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
famous
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
,
therefore
celebrities
should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
by advertising just
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
food or
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
and should avoid unhealthy
habits
like smoking. I completely disagree with
this
idea, there are some
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
celebrities
has
Wrong verb form
have their
show examples
own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
and young
people
have to be
more strong
Correct word choice
stronger
show examples
character
Fix the agreement mistake
characters
show examples
.
To begin
with, famous
people
have
seperated
Correct your spelling
separate
life
that does not include
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shown to
people
. If
celebrities
have some restriction
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
life
, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
diffucult
Correct your spelling
difficult
their
life
both social
aspects
and economic
aspects
. These
people
only do their job
likewise
other
people
. They could not be responsible
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
young
people
or they should not promote
to live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
better. When they
constrain
Wrong verb form
are constrained
show examples
to accept only benefit and useful advertisement their economic status influences
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that.
Furthermore
, they start to
acording
Correct your spelling
according
to being role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
, their social
life
is shape
Change the verb form
is shaped
show examples
by
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
does
Wrong verb form
they do
show examples
not know personally.
Moreover
, young
people
should not
affect
Verb problem
be
show examples
as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as easily
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
people
. Nowadays, they have different and several
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
of
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
due
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to improve themselves. They can choose some
habits
for
utilize
Wrong verb form
utilising
show examples
their future
life
and
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
level
Correct article usage
a level
show examples
of quality of their
life
. Young
people
can be aware of how they dominate their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Therefore
, when they follow
celebrities
or
be
Verb problem
become
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
show examples
fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
show examples
, they may decide whether or not
Fix the infinitive
to copy
show examples
copy
Fix the infinitive
to copy
show examples
the behaviour of famous
people
. Take a
teenaage
Correct your spelling
teenage
teenager
, who would like to be
pianist
Correct article usage
a pianist
show examples
,
for example
; she or he can
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
from
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
pianist
Change noun form
pianist's
show examples
life
only good
aspects
and can ignore
him
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
or her bad
habits
.
To conclude
, there are some acceptable
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
to
be disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
.
Celebrities
should not be responsible
attidude
Correct your spelling
attitudes
and
habits
of young
people
. Young
people
can take good
aspects
of famous
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by ilknurkaradmn on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a discernible structure, but it lacks logical sequencing of ideas, which makes it difficult to follow. Aim to create more distinct paragraphs that each deal with a separate point, using clear topic sentences and support for the arguments you present. This will improve the logical flow and make your ideas more compelling.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, providing arguments against the statement in the prompt. However, you need to develop your ideas further and provide more precise and relevant examples for a higher score. The response should fully address all parts of the task, which includes a clear opinion and specific reasons for that opinion. Using examples that clearly support your point of view will help to achieve this. Additionally, work on the precision of your expressions and avoid over-generalizations.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorsement
  • influence
  • lifestyle
  • consciousness
  • social responsibility
  • regulation
  • liberty
  • supply and demand
  • unintended consequences
  • critical thinking
  • brand image
  • nutrition
  • public figure
  • health advocacy
  • restrictions
  • moderation
  • consumer behavior
  • market forces
  • ethical advertising
  • personal brand
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