IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. ...

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. ...
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The given bar chart illustrates the amount of time that boy and girl juveniles between 10 to 15 years old spend
on
Change preposition
apply
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chatting on the internet and playing video
games
Use synonyms
 in an ordinary school day in the UK. It is clearly evident that boys have a severe
tendeny
Correct your spelling
tendency
 to play video
games
Use synonyms
 with approximately 84
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, and they play mostly from one to three hours.
Further
Linking Words
, girls
are playing
Wrong verb form
play
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games
Use synonyms
 console 30 proportion fewer than boys which
is
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are
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 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, and
their
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the
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 majority devote less than an hour
for
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to
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this
Linking Words
. All in all,
both
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for both
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 genders gaming is 68
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
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, and
minority
Add an article
a minority
the minority
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 of individuals play more than four hours. On the flip side, ladies are by far texting on social media more than
gentelmen
Correct your spelling
gentlemen
 which is 68 proportion.
Additionally
Linking Words
, more than half of them spend three hours
on
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apply
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talking.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, guys have less tendency to virtual world which means they just text about 52
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, and often under an hour.
Overall
Linking Words
, both sexes
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 their time
on
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in
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 chat rooms
approximetely
Correct your spelling
approximately
 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In sum, pupils would prefer to play video
games
Use synonyms
 more than talk on the internet.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, boys
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 play virtual
games
Use synonyms
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
 girls who would rather surf on the media.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words games, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adolescents
  • chatting online
  • games consoles
  • average school day
  • time allocation
  • social interaction
  • gaming habits
  • internet usage
  • preference
  • daily patterns
  • peak times
  • weekdays
  • weekends
  • gender differences
  • trends
  • implications
  • social skills
  • physical health
  • academic performance
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