The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. ...

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. ...
The given bar chart illustrates the amount of time that boy and girl juveniles between 10 to 15 years old spend
on
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apply
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chatting on the internet and playing video
games
in an ordinary school day in the UK. It is clearly evident that boys have a severe
tendeny
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tendency
to play video
games
with approximately 84
percent
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per cent
show examples
, and they play mostly from one to three hours.
Further
, girls
are playing
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play
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games
console 30 proportion fewer than boys which
is
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are
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50
percent
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per cent
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, and
their
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the
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majority devote less than an hour
for
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to
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this
. All in all,
both
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for both
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genders gaming is 68
ration
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ratio
show examples
, and
minority
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a minority
the minority
show examples
of individuals play more than four hours. On the flip side, ladies are by far texting on social media more than
gentelmen
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gentlemen
which is 68 proportion.
Additionally
, more than half of them spend three hours
on
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apply
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talking.
On the contrary
, guys have less tendency to virtual world which means they just text about 52
percent
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per cent
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, and often under an hour.
Overall
, both sexes
spending
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spend
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their time
on
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in
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chat rooms
approximetely
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approximately
60
percent
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per cent
show examples
. In sum, pupils would prefer to play video
games
more than talk on the internet.
Besides
that, boys
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
play virtual
games
unlike
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, unlike
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girls who would rather surf on the media.
Submitted by tg.persian on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words games, percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adolescents
  • chatting online
  • games consoles
  • average school day
  • time allocation
  • social interaction
  • gaming habits
  • internet usage
  • preference
  • daily patterns
  • peak times
  • weekdays
  • weekends
  • gender differences
  • trends
  • implications
  • social skills
  • physical health
  • academic performance
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