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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The tables give information about sales of coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in 5 European countries

The tables give information about sales of coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in 5 European countries
‏The tables illustrate how much coffee and bananas
was
Change the verb form
were
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 sold in 1999 and 2004 in five
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
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 in ‏Europe. ‏
Overall
Linking Words
, the UK had the most progress in selling coffee
while
Linking Words
 Switzerland had the highest rate of
sales
Use synonyms
 of bananas.
Also
Linking Words
, the amount of
sales
Use synonyms
 of coffee
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased in all five countries but
sales
Use synonyms
 of bananas
was risen
Wrong verb form
rose
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 except in Sweden and Denmark. ‏The UK was the most successful country in selling, from 1.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 1999 to 20
million
Use synonyms
 in 2004, followed by Switzerland, with 3
million
Use synonyms
 in 1999 to 6
million
Use synonyms
 in 2004
while
Linking Words
 Belgium was the least successful country, with 1
million
Use synonyms
 in 1999 to 1.7
million
Use synonyms
 in 2004, followed by Denmark and Sweden by 0.2 both. ‏
According to
Linking Words
 the second table, Switzerland and the UK had the highest amount of
sales
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
32 and 4.5
million
Use synonyms
 respectively.
By comparison
Linking Words
,
sales
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Belgium
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased from 0.6
million
Use synonyms
 in 1999 to 4
million
Use synonyms
 in 2004.
However
Linking Words
,
sales
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Sweden and Denmark
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dropped from 1.8
million
Use synonyms
 to 1
million
Use synonyms
 and from 2
million
Use synonyms
 to 0.9
million
Use synonyms
 in 1999 and 2004 respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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