The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists to England who attended four different attractions in Brighton.

The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists to England who attended four different attractions in Brighton.
The line graph shows the percentages of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
to
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom who visited four various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
landmarks in Brighton from 1980 to 2010
Overall
, people visited the pavilion, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
in high demand
while
the proportion of people who went to the festival and art gallery
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
average and the pier
having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
the least number of
visitors
.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
of
1980
Add a comma
1980,
show examples
almost 20%
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of people went to the pavilion and art gallery. The highest demand in the art gallery was in 1985 with
approxmitely
Correct your spelling
approximately
38% of
visitors
and in the pavilion was almost 50% in 1995. Unfortunately, in the next
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
percentages of
visitors
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
attractions
Correct article usage
the attractions
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased to 30% and less than 10%. In
comprasion
Correct your spelling
comparison
compassion
,
pier
Correct article usage
the pier
show examples
with 10%
tourists
Change preposition
of tourists
show examples
there in 1980 started to be popular and
propoportions
Correct your spelling
proportions
proportion
increased to 20% in 2010.
Festival
Correct article usage
The Festival
show examples
had 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
visitors
in the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
and didn't have big changes in other years and stayed stable all the time.
Submitted by alima.arapova05 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • tourists
  • attractions
  • trends
  • popularity
  • seasonal variations
  • attendance figures
  • locality
  • predicting
  • data analysis
  • fluctuations
  • peak season
  • decline
  • increment
  • steady
  • plummet
  • surge
  • stagnate
  • benchmark
  • correlate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: