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Band 2

In many countries, people like to eat more food from other regions than can be grown in a local area. As a result, much of the food has to come from other regions. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #food #regions #area #trend
Nowadays, people prefer
food
 from other regions, even though these products can be found in
local
Add an article
a local
the local
show examples
 place,
thus
, majority of these products are
tranportated
Correct your spelling
transported
 from other cities which takes time and money.I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the advantages
such
 as the quality and the
taste
 the
food
 gives outweigh the price of the product.
Due to
 weather conditions, products
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
grown in every area
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
show examples
 in the
taste
. Some vegetables and fruits give the best
taste
 when they grow in tropical
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
,
whereas
, others prefer rainfall places.
For example
, 90% of residents of Kazakhstan choose apples from Almaty, because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
taste
 and juiciness.
Besides
, residents might not like the quality of
food
 in their city. It is known to everyone that
rices
Change the wording
rice
kinds of rice
packets of rice
grains of rice
show examples
 from Asian countries
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more fortified
compaaring
Correct your spelling
compared
 to other states.
Consequently
, people from other parts of the world always wanna consume
these rices
Fix the agreement mistake
this rice
show examples
.
However
, to supply
food
 from A station to B, it requires
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of money,
thus
 it can be expensive in
delivered
Add an article
the delivered
show examples
 country.Shipping might be different, where the country
ot
Correct your spelling
or
 city is located.
For instance
, In conclusion,
although
, transportation
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
considerable
Add an article
a considerable
show examples
 amount of money, the
taste
 and the quality make it worth
to try
Change the verb form
trying
show examples
food
 from other regions.
Submitted by forcookiearu on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should paraphrase the question, present your thesis statement, and outline the main points of your essay. The body should develop each main point in a separate paragraph with supporting examples and explanations, followed by a conclusion summarizing your points and restating your thesis. Your essay lacked a full conclusion, and the structure could be more logically organized.
Task Achievement
Your essay needs to fully respond to all parts of the task. Clearly state the advantages and disadvantages and whether one outweighs the other, with a balanced discussion and a clear conclusion. You've presented one side more than the other, and the task would be better fulfilled with a more balanced discussion and clearer examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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