IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

in some countries ,it is illegal for company to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negotive development ?

#countries #company #job #applicants #age #negotive #development
In a few countries, it is unlawful for employers to depend on their age to take employees. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the positive and negative sides.
This
 topic is difficult, though. Most employers believe that the benefits of humans up to their age in terms of strength, intelligence and other terms. In fact, the
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who are younger can work more than other elders. They have more motivation to do something, they can wake up early. They can do anything without fear, because of their less practice.
On the other hand
, the people who have more years of working (that means they
Add a missing verb
are elder
show examples
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
) have more experience, they know more than new ones, because of their practices, they know what they should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do or not. They can feel the dangers and flaws of their work, so
this
 makes them irreplaceable and I support these characteristics. If I were a founder of any company, I would take workers depending on their intelligence, experience and outlook, for me age will be not important.
For example
, my dad. My dad has been working since 2000 in his workplace. I confidently say that my dad is better than any new
workers
Fix the agreement mistake
worker
show examples
 because of his experiences and practice. In conclusion, the employers which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 taking workers should rate their outlook, strength and their experiences. If they take employees depending on their character as I said above, they can improve their workplace(company) and the degree of
this
 company will be at high levels.
Submitted by javohirforwork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure a clear introduction with a thesis statement that addresses the question directly and indicates what the essay will cover. Offer a concise conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your overall opinion.
Supporting Examples
Make sure to include examples that are directly related to the prompt, and elaborate on them to clearly support your points.
Paragraph Structure
Organize your ideas into clear, well-structured paragraphs. Use topic sentences to introduce paragraphs and focus each one on a single main idea.
Task Response
Keep your writing focused on the task. Discuss both positive and negative aspects in depth and demonstrate their relevance to the question prompt.
Cohesion
Transition smoothly between sentences and paragraphs using cohesive devices. This will improve the flow of ideas and help the reader understand the relationship between points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • equal opportunities
  • age discrimination
  • ageism
  • workforce diversity
  • experienced workforce
  • stereotyping
  • inclusive work environment
  • age-related health concerns
  • adaptability
  • technological proficiency
  • generational gap
  • seniority
  • career longevity
  • knowledge transfer
  • youthful energy
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!