The graph below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in South Korea in 2024. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#procedures #males #females #korea #summarise #information #features #comparisons

The given

two

bar charts depict the number of cosmetic surgeries carried out by genders in South Korea during 2004.

Overall

, the total number of

sugery

Correct your spelling

surgery

performed by women was slightly higher than

men

Change preposition

by men

show examples

. Meanwhile, the

two

types of cosmetic procedures - Laser Skin Resurfacing and Rhinoplasty - were the shared surgical choices of both sexes. Despite there

were

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

similarities among the surgical preferences, the operation counts varied between genders. The number of Laser Skin Restructuring performed by men surpassed that of Phinoplasty by approximately one-third;

Nonetheless

, it was vice versa for women, resulting in the

two

types of surgeries ranking top

two

and three respectively. Meanwhile, the top and least conducted cosmetic procedures differ as well. Around 110

thousands

Fix the agreement mistake

thousand

show examples

times of Liposuction were completed on Korean ladies, leading to the least popular choice. At the same time, they were in

favor

Change the spelling

favour

show examples

of doing Eyelid Surgery (310 more thousands of

operation

Fix the agreement mistake

operations

show examples

done). For men, they chose hair transplantation the most out of the five surgeries -

two

times more than the least operated Facelift (less than 20

thousands

Change to singular

thousand

show examples

counts).

Submitted by ardentpicks on Wed Dec 06 2023

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Vocabulary: Replace the words two with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

179 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The graph below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in South Korea in 2024. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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