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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in South Korea in 2024. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in South Korea in 2024. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given
two
Use synonyms
 bar charts depict the number of cosmetic surgeries carried out by genders in South Korea during 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total number of
sugery
Correct your spelling
surgery
 performed by women was slightly higher than
men
Change preposition
by men
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. Meanwhile, the
two
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 types of cosmetic procedures - Laser Skin Resurfacing and Rhinoplasty - were the shared surgical choices of both sexes. Despite there
were
Wrong verb form
being
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 similarities among the surgical preferences, the operation counts varied between genders. The number of Laser Skin Restructuring performed by men surpassed that of Phinoplasty by approximately one-third;
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it was vice versa for women, resulting in the
two
Use synonyms
 types of surgeries ranking top
two
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 and three respectively. Meanwhile, the top and least conducted cosmetic procedures differ as well. Around 110
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
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 times of Liposuction were completed on Korean ladies, leading to the least popular choice. At the same time, they were in
favor
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favour
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 of doing Eyelid Surgery (310 more thousands of
operation
Fix the agreement mistake
operations
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 done). For men, they chose hair transplantation the most out of the five surgeries -
two
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 times more than the least operated Facelift (less than 20
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
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 counts).

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Vocabulary: Replace the words two with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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