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Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #meals #three #nutrients #information #features #comparisons
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The provided piecharts illustrate
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
three kinds of
nutrients
Use synonyms
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in normal
meals
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as breakfast, dinner, lunch and
snacks
Use synonyms
. Units are measured by percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
 from
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 perspective, the dinner
meals
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more
nutrients
Use synonyms
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fats,
in contrast
Linking Words
, the breakfast has low
nutrients
Use synonyms
 in
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
meals
Use synonyms
. The
piecharts
Correct your spelling
pie charts
show examples
 show that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dinner
meals
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the highest
nutrients
Use synonyms
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 just above
two fifths
Add a hyphen
two-fifths
show examples
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and 37% of saturated fat
whereas
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
added
sugar
Use synonyms
 is only 22
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. The lunch
meals
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the
secons
Correct your spelling
second
 highest
nutrients
Use synonyms
 of the three
meals
Use synonyms
 which is
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 the same amount of
nutrients
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
23% and the added
suagr
Correct your spelling
sugar
 is 16%.
In addition
Linking Words
, breakfast has very low
nutrients
Use synonyms
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
sodium
Use synonyms
 14% and 17% of saturated fat
along with
Linking Words
 10% of added
sugar
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
snacks
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the minimum amount of
nutrients
Use synonyms
 in all three
meals
Use synonyms
 but
snacks
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more added
sugar
Use synonyms
nutrients
Use synonyms
 which is around half
besides
Linking Words
has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 low
nutrients
Use synonyms
 in
snacks
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words nutrients, sodium, sugar, meals, snacks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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