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Band 4

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, manya are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how?

#english #school #languages #manya #risk
It is believed that, at
school
,
English
 should be prioritized over local
languages
. In my opinion, local
languages
 are as important as
English
 because omitting these may lead to a particular
culture
 being endangered and
therefore
 we should teach them in class.
English
 is arguably the most spoken
language
 in the world at the moment. Spoken by almost 70% of the world’s population, it allows us to connect with
people
 from every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 and enlarge our chances to seek opportunities in places that we desire. In many cases,
people
 with good
English
 communication skills are more satisfied with their jobs compared to those who don’t understand
English
 at all. They find it easier to level up their career and get
pay
Add an article
a pay
show examples
 rise because
English
 makes them stand above the others. It is for these reasons that
English
 should be taught
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the earliest days of
school
. Whilst
English
 is
that
Rephrase
apply
show examples
important for our life after
school
,
this
 doesn’t mean that we should remove the local
languages
 from class and focus only on
English
.
Languages
 are not only means
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 communication, but they
also
 represent the cultures of the
people
 that speak them. When a certain
language
 dies, its
culture
 follows. The best example would be the extinction of
Latin
Correct article usage
the Latin
show examples
language
, where modern
people
 can no longer see their customs and traditions even though they were
ever
Rephrase
apply
show examples
considered the most advanced civilization during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medieval times.
Therefore
, I agree that local
languages
 should be seen as significant as
English
. By teaching local
languages
 in
school
, we ensure that we contribute to the preservation of not just a
language
, but
also
 a
culture
 and maybe the whole community from dying out. In conclusion,
while
 the importance of learning
English
 is well-known by many
people
 around the globe, learning local
languages
 ensures that we keep a
culture
 alive. I believe that we can teach both
English
 and local
languages
 properly, without seeing one being more important than the other.
Submitted by joyapakpahan on

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logical structure
While the essay provides a clear opinion on the subject matter, the argument presented would benefit from a stronger logical structure. Both the introduction and the conclusion should clearly state the writer's viewpoint and relate directly to the body paragraphs, effectively framing the discussion.
supported main points
You should work on enriching your essay with more supported main points. Each paragraph should have a clear and explicit main idea, supported by specific details or examples. This strengthens your argument and makes it more persuasive to the reader.
complete response
You have addressed the task and provided a complete response that reflects a clear position throughout the response. To achieve a higher score, make sure that the conclusion summarises your main points and reiterates your opinion effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented in your essay are clear and comprehensive; however, to improve cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to link your ideas more effectively.
relevant specific examples
Your use of relevant specific examples is a good start, but they could be further tailored to explicitly support your arguments. Aim to incorporate a variety of examples from an array of sources, such as personal experiences, historical events, or current affairs, to illustrate your points more clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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