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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the opening and closure and the types of magazines that opened in Southern Europe between 1995-2015 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graphs below show the opening and closure and the types of magazines that opened in Southern Europe between 1995-2015 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#graphs #show #closure #magazines #europe #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graphs illustrate the opening and
closure
Use synonyms
, and the
opened
Verb problem
apply
show examples
types of
magazines
Use synonyms
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1995 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of opened
magazines
Use synonyms
hasa
Correct your spelling
has
 been decreasing, but
Use synonyms
closure
Correct article usage
the closure
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 has increased.
However
Linking Words
, "
Entartainment
Correct your spelling
Entertainment
 and TV"
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become
dominant
Correct article usage
the dominant
show examples
 type, and the lowest places have been reached by "
business
Use synonyms
" and "
others
Use synonyms
".
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 1995,
opening
Add an article
the opening
show examples
 of
magazines
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached 250
pcs
Use synonyms
, and
closure
Use synonyms
 has become close to 125
pcs
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in 2005, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
closure
Fix the agreement mistake
closures
show examples
 of
magazines
Use synonyms
has been decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 from 125 to about 75
pcs
Use synonyms
, even
so
Add the comma(s)
so,
show examples
 opening has increased to 400 and decreased
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 about 375
pcs
Use synonyms
. Since 2005, data about opening and
closure
Use synonyms
 have changed in reverse.
Use synonyms
Closure
Add an article
The closure
show examples
 has increased to about 360 from 75
pcs
Use synonyms
 and reached
record
Add an article
a record
show examples
number
Use synonyms
, close to 380
pcs
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
opening
Add an article
the opening
show examples
 of
magazines
Use synonyms
 which had had high scores before has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fallen down close to 175
pcs
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, on
pie
Add an article
a pie
the pie
show examples
 chart,
dominant
Correct article usage
the dominant
show examples
 type has shown
by
Change preposition
as
show examples
 "
Entartainment
Correct your spelling
Entertainment
 and TV" which bypassed "music" with 5%, "Hobbies" with 14%, "
Business
Use synonyms
" with 29% and "
Others
Use synonyms
" with 30 %. The second dominant type had been reached by "Music" with 30%
while
Linking Words
 "Hobbies"
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
achieved 21%. The two types that
placed
Add a missing verb
are placed
show examples
 on
ranks
Correct article usage
the ranks
show examples
 have become "
Business
Use synonyms
" and "
Others
Use synonyms
". "
Business
Use synonyms
" has had 9%, 4% more than "
Others
Use synonyms
" which had taken 5%.
Submitted by aistmenr6 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words closure, magazines, number, business, others, pcs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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