IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the opening and closure and the types of magazines that opened in Southern Europe between 1995-2015 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graphs below show the opening and closure and the types of magazines that opened in Southern Europe between 1995-2015 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#graphs #show #closure #magazines #europe #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The graphs illustrate the opening and
closure
, and the
opened
Verb problem
apply
show examples
types of
magazines
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1995 to 2015.
Overall
, the
number
 of opened
magazines
hasa
Correct your spelling
has
 been decreasing, but
closure
Correct article usage
the closure
show examples
number
 has increased.
However
, "
Entartainment
Correct your spelling
Entertainment
 and TV"
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become
dominant
Correct article usage
the dominant
show examples
 type, and the lowest places have been reached by "
business
" and "
others
".
Firstly
, in 1995,
opening
Add an article
the opening
show examples
 of
magazines
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached 250
pcs
, and
closure
 has become close to 125
pcs
.
However
, in 2005, the
number
 of
closure
Fix the agreement mistake
closures
show examples
 of
magazines
has been decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 from 125 to about 75
pcs
, even
so
Add the comma(s)
so,
show examples
 opening has increased to 400 and decreased
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 about 375
pcs
. Since 2005, data about opening and
closure
 have changed in reverse.
Closure
Add an article
The closure
show examples
 has increased to about 360 from 75
pcs
 and reached
record
Add an article
a record
show examples
number
, close to 380
pcs
.
Nevertheless
,
opening
Add an article
the opening
show examples
 of
magazines
 which had had high scores before has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fallen down close to 175
pcs
.
Secondly
, on
pie
Add an article
a pie
the pie
show examples
 chart,
dominant
Correct article usage
the dominant
show examples
 type has shown
by
Change preposition
as
show examples
 "
Entartainment
Correct your spelling
Entertainment
 and TV" which bypassed "music" with 5%, "Hobbies" with 14%, "
Business
" with 29% and "
Others
" with 30 %. The second dominant type had been reached by "Music" with 30%
while
 "Hobbies"
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
achieved 21%. The two types that
placed
Add a missing verb
are placed
show examples
 on
ranks
Correct article usage
the ranks
show examples
 have become "
Business
" and "
Others
". "
Business
" has had 9%, 4% more than "
Others
" which had taken 5%.
Submitted by aistmenr6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words closure, magazines, number, business, others, pcs with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: