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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the average money spent per costumer on various types of equipment in a Canadian sports store

The chart below shows the average money spent per costumer on various types of equipment in a Canadian sports store
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The provided line graph illustrates the median of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 per customer on different types of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 material in Canadian sports
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the majority median
expenditure
Use synonyms
 of equipment in Canadian sports stores was football. The minority average payment of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
materials
Use synonyms
 was tennis between 2000 and 2020.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, football was the highest expense of equipment in Canadian sports stores at 60
dollars
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 in 2000, and
then
Linking Words
 dramatically decreased to 40
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2010. There was a significant increase in the mean
expenditure
Use synonyms
 for football
materials
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 to 70
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2020.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there was a steady drop in the median
expenditure
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 for tennis
materials
Use synonyms
 from 30
dollars
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 in 2000 to 10
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2020.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there was a slight rise in the average expense for swimming
materials
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 from 10
dollars
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 in 2000 to 30
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2020.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the median payment for rugby fluctuated from 40
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2000 to 30
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2020.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, materials, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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