The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity

The chart illustrates the

percentage

of Australian

male

Fix the agreement mistake

males

show examples

and

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

in different

age

categories who did

regular

Add an article

a regular

the regular

show examples

physical activity in 2010,

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

is measured in

percentage

Overall

, the data shows that women in

age

Add an article

the age

show examples

category

25 to 34 until 65 and over have a higher

percentage

than men in doing regular exercise, except for

Correct determiner usage

those age

show examples

age

Replace the word

aged

show examples

category

15 to 24

male

Fix the agreement mistake

males

show examples

are more active than female.

To begin

with,

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the male

age

category

that is

the most active is between the

age

Fix the agreement mistake

ages

show examples

of 15 to 24 with over 50%. Australian men

age

categories 35 to 44 have the lowest

percentage

standing at below 40%.

In addition

, men and women

that

Change the verb form

are

show examples

in the

age

group of 65 and over almost have the same

percentage

approximately 46%.

On the other hand

female

Add an article

the female

a female

show examples

category

is quite different because the most active

age

group is 45 to 54 with over 50%.

Additionally

age

group 35 to 44 and 55 to 64 is around the same level. The least active

age

category

is women aged between 65 and over.

Submitted by jedidia.husodo on Thu Dec 07 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, age, category with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.

▼

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

175 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical activity
Regular exercise
Age demographics
Participation rate
Trend analysis
Gender disparity
Health initiatives
Public health policies
Statistical comparison
Lifestyle choices
Work commitments
Age-related factors
Preventative health
Exercise habits
Surveillance data
Motivators and barriers

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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Doctors recommend that older people should get regular exercise. However many older people do not take enough exercise. What could be the reason for this? What can be done to encourage them to take exercise?

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Employers should give staff at least four weeks holidays a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think the advertisement has positive economic effects, while others think it has social impacts because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy for them? Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.