In many countries traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. Some people claim that this has negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree
International fast
food
brands, such
as McDonald
and KFC, have gained popularity worldwide, which Change noun form
McDonald's
therefore
triggers a concern for some people, claiming that the trend may exert a negative impact on both families and society. From my perspective, I cannot agree
the opinion more, believing that under no circumstance should we ignore the downsides brought by the fast Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
food
industry.
On the one hand, the increasing number of citizens are under
snowed with work and study, driven by the fierce competition across the globe, which means that they need to fill their Change preposition
apply
stomaches
as soon as possible. Not only can fast-Correct your spelling
stomachs
food
restaurants save consumers' time and effort but they can provide
essential nutrients, which Rephrase
also provide
therefore
are favoured by the young and old worldwide.
However
, familes
will take a toll in the long term. Eating outside frequently will dilute the relationship among family members. Correct your spelling
families
For example
, there will be less
opportunities for children to talk with their parents, which could alienate their close ties. Change the quantifier
fewer
Furthermore
, fast food
cuisines are normally less nutritious than that of traditional dishes. With high suger
, high Correct your spelling
sugar
calorie
and high fat provided by Fix the agreement mistake
calories
the
fast Correct article usage
apply
food
, it may result in some diseases related to the lack of sufficient and diversified nutritions
, which in turn will place a heavy financial burden on both individuals and families.
For another, as fast Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
food
becoming
prevalent, Wrong verb form
becomes
the
increasing number of citizens Correct article usage
an
would
be diagnosed with obesity, diabetes and other diet-related illnesses. Wrong verb form
will
As a result
, the government will spend more public fund
on healthcare Fix the agreement mistake
funds
instead
of education, scientific discovery and so on, which could get in the way of the country's development. Moreover
, different from traditional cuisines featuring with
happiness and cultural inheritance, fast Change preposition
apply
food
is monotonous, which may not only deprive us of the pleasure brought from
the Change preposition
by
food
,
but Remove the comma
apply
the
cherished cultures. Rephrase
also the
For instance
, the making of Jiaozi, or the Chinese dumplings represents a tradition followed from one generation to another. Although
it is time-consuming, fast food
is unable to replace it.
In conclusion, both families and societies definitely suffer a lot from the shift from traditional food
to fast food
and the trend should be reversed immediately as long as we want to live healthily and happily.Submitted by 76805977 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay displays a satisfactory level of logical structure, however, there are instances where transitions could be smoother and ideas more fully developed for coherence. Aim for a more seamless connection between points to enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Main points are present, yet their support could be strengthened with further elaboration and clearer examples. More varied sentence structures and detailed argument support would elevate your essay's persuasiveness.
task achievement
Your essay fulfills the task with a clear position throughout, but the response could be more complete. Develop each idea further and ensure you address all parts of the prompt in more depth.
task achievement
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task achievement
Utilize more relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Examples drawn from real-world scenarios or credible studies could significantly enhance the authority and relevance of your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example