In many countries traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. Some people claim that this has negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

International fast

food

Use synonyms

brands,

such

Linking Words

McDonald

Change noun form

McDonald's

show examples

and KFC, have gained popularity worldwide, which

therefore

Linking Words

triggers a concern for some people, claiming that the trend may exert a negative impact on both families and society. From my perspective, I cannot

agree

Add the preposition

agree on

agree to

agree with

show examples

the opinion more, believing that under no circumstance should we ignore the downsides brought by the fast

food

Use synonyms

industry. On the one hand, the increasing number of citizens are

under

Change preposition

apply

show examples

snowed with work and study, driven by the fierce competition across the globe, which means that they need to fill their

stomaches

Correct your spelling

stomachs

show examples

as soon as possible. Not only can fast-

food

Use synonyms

restaurants save consumers' time and effort but they can

provide

Rephrase

also provide

show examples

essential nutrients, which

therefore

Linking Words

are favoured by the young and old worldwide.

However

Linking Words

familes

Correct your spelling

families

will take a toll in the long term. Eating outside frequently will dilute the relationship among family members.

For example

Linking Words

, there will be

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

opportunities for children to talk with their parents, which could alienate their close ties.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, fast

food

Use synonyms

cuisines are normally less nutritious than that of traditional dishes. With high

suger

Correct your spelling

sugar

, high

calorie

Fix the agreement mistake

calories

show examples

and high fat provided by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fast

food

Use synonyms

, it may result in some diseases related to the lack of sufficient and diversified

nutritions

Fix the agreement mistake

nutrition

show examples

, which in turn will place a heavy financial burden on both individuals and families. For another, as fast

food

Use synonyms

becoming

Wrong verb form

becomes

show examples

prevalent,

the

Correct article usage

show examples

increasing number of citizens

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

be diagnosed with obesity, diabetes and other diet-related illnesses.

As a result

Linking Words

, the government will spend more public

fund

Fix the agreement mistake

funds

show examples

on healthcare

instead

Linking Words

of education, scientific discovery and so on, which could get in the way of the country's development.

Moreover

Linking Words

, different from traditional cuisines featuring

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

happiness and cultural inheritance, fast

food

Use synonyms

is monotonous, which may not only deprive us of the pleasure brought

from

Change preposition

show examples

the

food

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

the

Rephrase

also the

show examples

cherished cultures.

For instance

Linking Words

, the making of Jiaozi, or the Chinese dumplings represents a tradition followed from one generation to another.

Although

Linking Words

it is time-consuming, fast

food

Use synonyms

is unable to replace it. In conclusion, both families and societies definitely suffer a lot from the shift from traditional

food

Use synonyms

to fast

food

Use synonyms

and the trend should be reversed immediately as long as we want to live healthily and happily.

76805977Fri Dec 08 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your essay displays a satisfactory level of logical structure, however, there are instances where transitions could be smoother and ideas more fully developed for coherence. Aim for a more seamless connection between points to enhance the logical flow.

coherence cohesion

You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which is commendable. However, to achieve a better score, work on creating a more impactful thesis statement and a concluding sentence that effectively summarizes the essay's main arguments.

coherence cohesion

Main points are present, yet their support could be strengthened with further elaboration and clearer examples. More varied sentence structures and detailed argument support would elevate your essay's persuasiveness.

task achievement

Your essay fulfills the task with a clear position throughout, but the response could be more complete. Develop each idea further and ensure you address all parts of the prompt in more depth.

task achievement

Ideas presented are clear but sometimes lack comprehensive exploration. Improve by delving deeper into the implications and consequences of the points raised, showing a thorough understanding of the topic.

task achievement

Utilize more relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Examples drawn from real-world scenarios or credible studies could significantly enhance the authority and relevance of your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

368 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?
The differences in the roles of mothers and fathers can vary across different cultures and societies, and they often stem from a combination of historical, social, economic, and cultural factors. Here are a few reasons why such differences might exist:
5
band
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many people believe that the overarching objective of science should undeniably be the improvement of people's lives. I fully agree with this statement, because science is capable of revolutionizing society, solving pressing problems and improving the well-being of individuals on a global scale
<4
band
Some people think everyone should be a vegtarian , becouse we do not need to eat meat to stay helthy . To waht extent do you agree or disagree
In the world have a lot of vegitarian individuals then unvegtarian humans ,so that type of people as well as dietolges and doctors said ,when people ear healthy food may be they are live in longer then human eat a lot of meal.
6
band
The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent times, people have argued that developing countries should provide six years of free education to reduce poverty. partly agree with this point of view.
8
band
It is argued that technology plays an ever-increasing role in schools and universities. Increased access to information and student freedom are the main advantages, whereas dependency on technology and decreasing levels of face-to-face contact are the main disadvantages.
Access to more information and student autonomy are the principal advantages of increasing the use of electronic devices in education. With the internet, students can access all the information available about any topic, regardless of what books and other resources are available in the school. Furthermore, students can focus on whatever topic or subject they want and study it in depth. A prime example of this is the number of online university courses available to students, covering a myriad of subjects that, up until recently, were unavailable to most learners. This has resulted in more people studying third-level degrees than ever before at a pace and schedule that suits them.

In many countries traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. Some people claim that this has negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think everyone should be a vegtarian , becouse we do not need to eat meat to stay helthy . To waht extent do you agree or disagree

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that technology plays an ever-increasing role in schools and universities. Increased access to information and student freedom are the main advantages, whereas dependency on technology and decreasing levels of face-to-face contact are the main disadvantages.