Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment> IT would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion.

Nowadays, adolescents are fond of electronic
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
and computers, and they have been
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
outdoor sports and games which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
beneficial for them. I tend to disagree with
this
view and support that children should
be find
Change the verb form
find
show examples
time for traditional
out door
Correct your spelling
outdoor
show examples
play. Nowadays, adolescents are fond of electronic
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
and computers, and they have been
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
outdoor sports and games which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
beneficial for them. I tend to disagree with
this
view and support that children should
be find
Change the verb form
find
show examples
time for traditional
out door
Correct your spelling
outdoor
show examples
play.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introductory paragraph with a thesis statement that presents your position. Include a specific introductory statement and a conclusion to enhance clarity and effectiveness.
logical structure
Use a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing to create clear logical connections between your ideas. The repetition of the same sentence indicates a lack of development and coherence.
supported main points
Support your arguments with clear, relevant examples or explanations. Your essay should develop the main points by explaining why you disagree and how outdoor play benefits children.
complete response
Ensure you provide a full response to the task with a clear opinion. Expand on your ideas rather than repeating the same sentence to meet the task requirements better.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify your ideas by presenting them in fully developed sentences and paragraphs. Use specific reasons and examples to make your essay comprehensive and detailed.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific examples that are relevant to the topic to better argue your point of view and to enrich your essay content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dependent
  • excessive
  • screen time
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • outdoor activities
  • beneficial
  • development
  • social interaction
  • teamwork
  • enhance
  • learning
  • creativity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: