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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity
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The bar chart below depicts the
percentage
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 of
Australin
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Australian
men
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 and
women
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 with various
age
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 groups who did
reguler
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regular
 physical activity back in 2010. In a flash of
eye
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an eye
the eye
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, the highest
percentage
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 is held by
female
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females
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 in
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age
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the age
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group
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 45 to 54. Followed by 35's and 55's.
Men
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 tended to be more active than
women
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 in their early
20's
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20s
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. It can be seen from the chart that the
percentage
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for
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of
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 male in their 15 to 24 have a
percentage
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 of 52
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percent
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per cent
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. Meanwhile for
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age
Correct article usage
the age
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group
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 25 to 44, they have a lower number of
percent
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 which is around 40
percent
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.
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Age
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The age
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group
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 from 45 to 65 and over have more
percentage
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 than the younger peeps. From the
stat
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start
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, it can be concluded that
men
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's prime
year
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years
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 mostly are when they are in their twenties. The
age
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 from 25 to 44 tended to have less
percentage
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 since their time
are
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is
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 full of
working
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work
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. Groups from 45 to 65 and over may be retired, and that explains why
did
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apply
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they have more
percentage
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 than the younger
one
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ones
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. For the
women
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, their prime
year
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years
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 are when they are at
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age
Correct article usage
the age
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 of 45 to 54. Between
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men
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men's
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 and
women
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's
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percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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, the
age
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group
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 of 65 and over has the least
differ
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difference
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 in the
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percent
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per cent
show examples
.
Biggest
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The biggest
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 difference in number can be seen in
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age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 45 to 54, where 
men
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 only have 41
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percent
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per cent
show examples
 and 
women
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 have 53
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by jedidia.husodo on

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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, men, women, age, group, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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