IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Which is better? Bigger families of the past or the small modern families?

#families
Families
 have always been the ultimate home of every person
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
whom they
show examples
 feel comfortable
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. As we come to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 era, the
families
 become different, smaller and less populated than in the past. Each size of family has its own pros and cons. Bigger
families
 mean more brothers and sisters,
Therefore
, there are more people with the same blood as you that you can usually rely on in difficulties. Bigger
families
 were usually more happy and the children in larger
families
 always
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 playmates. They are crowded and when you enter the house of the family, the warmth of intimacy can be felt.
However
, it is hard for parents to suitably take care of each child in the family in comparison to smaller ones.
Also
, the process of growth of many kids may make the parents exhausted. As for smaller
families
, they need less money to run the errands of the family. Little family means
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 siblings, but it does not necessarily mean less love and affection.
Moreover
, people in little
families
 have more privacy and they can have their personal rooms. Sometimes the kids in these
families
 may feel lonely,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 when they are not connected to their family members or they do not have any friends in school.
Overall
, We can not precisely say which one is better: little modern
families
 or large traditional ones. It depends mostly on how the parents and other family members handle the difficulties related to each type of family. If all of the family members feel like they are
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same boat and they are a team, no matter what size the family has, that family is better.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your task response score, ensure you directly and fully address the prompt. Give a clear opinion on which type of family is better, as the question requires you to compare and decide between bigger and smaller families. Your conclusion should reflect a more decisive stance with supporting arguments throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to organize your paragraphs with clearer topic sentences that indicate the main idea of each paragraph. Then, develop that idea with specific examples and a logical sequence of ideas. Use a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more seamlessly, and establish clearer relationships between points and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: