IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

With a fast pace of modern life, more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

#pace #life #people #food #meals #advantage
Numerous people tend to use fast
food
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
 their main meal
recently
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
However
, in my view, the
advatage
Correct your spelling
advantage
advantages
 of fast
food
 can not outweigh the disadvantage.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
 can help to reduce cooking
time
 because the ingredients usually simple or it is easy to buy everywhere.
Firstly
, fast
food
 always
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 a bit
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
 as its name identified.
For example
, an egg sandwich has an egg, two
slice
Change to a plural noun
slices
show examples
 of
sandwhiches
Correct your spelling
sandwich
 and a little vegetable,
therefore
,
this
 meal normally
comsume
Correct your spelling
takes
 5 to 7 minutes
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
preparing
Replace the word
prepare
show examples
.
Secondly
,
paralel
Correct your spelling
parallel
 to the fast pace of modern life,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
 stores
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
inceasing radpidly
Correct your spelling
increasing rapidly
,
therefore
, it is
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 to buy a sandwich or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scanned
food
 everywhere.
Accordingly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 people save
time
 effectively. Conservely, I
strong
Rephrase
strongly
show examples
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of using fast
food
 can not outweigh the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
 can have negative effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health.
The fast
Correct article usage
Fast
show examples
food
 almost
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
scanned
Correct your spelling
canned
show examples
foods
,
therefore
, they have a little toxics to keep the
storeage
Correct your spelling
storage
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a longer
time
.
Consequently
, they
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to a number of
desease
Correct your spelling
diseases
disease
such
 as heart
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
disease
, high blood pressure and so on.
Hence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
foods
 can save
time
 to prepare,
however
, they will take a huge
time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 cure. In conclusion, the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 work and education
leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little
time
 during the day, pushing many people
turning
Change the verb form
to turn
show examples
 towards fast
food
 for their main meals because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
time
 to prepare effectively,
however
, after that, they will
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 a lot of
time
 in hospital to cure as the consequence of using fast
foods
.
Therefore
, we should try to
refuse
Verb problem
avoid
show examples
 fast
foods
 in daily life for our better health.
Submitted by huong.bx on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The essay's general structure is present, but the transitions between ideas are not always fluid, which affects coherence. To improve, make use of a variety of linking words and plan paragraphs so that each one logically follows from the other.
Task Achievement
The response would benefit from more development of ideas. Including a balanced view with specific, detailed examples will strengthen the arguments and contribute to coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: