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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that economic development is necessary to reduce the poverty in the world. Others say that economic growth should be stopped immediately lo stop damaging the environment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #development #poverty #world #growth #environment
Some
part
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parts
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 of the society stated that financial growth is recommended to prevent hunger in the population
while
 others stand that environmental disaster is the effect of
apply
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applied
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 economic development so it should be stopped.
This
 essay will provide both views and my personal opinion. First of all, economic growth has fundamentally
affect
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affected
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 the rise of well-being in
community
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the community
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. It prevents hunger and
proverty
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poverty
 by giving
public
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the public
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 the access to increase their quality of life. Developing financial
condition
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conditions
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also
 gives optimism for living in reality.
For instance
, children who
came
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come
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 from low-budget
family
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families
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 will grow
in
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up in
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a
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apply
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survival mode and rarely enjoy their sense of independence or existentialism. They barely know what they really want to do or to become in the future because the lack of money
did
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does
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 not inherently open how they see the world.
In addition
, poor kids will just focus
to get
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on getting
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 money
only
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apply
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for eat even though they
had
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have
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 enough time to reach their dreams.
Priviledged
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Privileged
 children tend to be more ambitious and dreamy for their future because their basic needs are already served by their parents and it provides hope growing up.
However
, so-called
economical
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economic
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 achievement used to practice exploitation towards pristine nature in the name of gaining more income which
lead
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led
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 to disastrous land. It is known to be less sustainable for the world to
face
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apply
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apply treatment. Many environmentalists stated that the natural habitat of
human kind
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humankind
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 should be treated better so folks can celebrate longer lives.
For example
,
river
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rivers
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 and
sea
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seas
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 are often contaminated by poisonous industrial chemicals which
drives
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leads
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 to limited clean water on
earth
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Earth
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. Apply situation should open the
conciousness
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consciousness
 of any manufacturers for environmental diseases in the future. In conclusion, Financial growth will give benefits to
human
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the human
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 population as long as it is environmentally aware. I believe that many industries are thoughtful enough to provide different
approach
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approaches
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 for their production process. Experts are
also
 encouraged to focus on researching
about
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apply
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environmental issues
for helping
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to help
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 companies to be more educated and effective
solving
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in solving
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 the problems.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure. While an introduction and conclusion are present, the ideas within the paragraphs could be better organized. The transitions between points are abrupt and can confuse the reader. To improve, consider using more cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that develop the same idea.
task achievement
The essay touches on the topic but does not fully expand the discussion points effectively. The task requires a discussion of both sides of the argument, as well as a personal opinion. While aspects of this are present, the essay would benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of each viewpoint, including more detailed examples and an explicit statement of your own standpoint.
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