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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts give information about the proportoin males and females in employment in six categories divided into manualand non-manual occupations

The pie charts give information about the proportoin males and females in employment in six categories divided into manualand non-manual occupations
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The given pie charts vividly illustrate some occupational trends in Great Britain in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 predominantly engage in more manual
work
Use synonyms
 than women.
For example
Linking Words
, approximately a quarter of males tend to do
craft
Correct article usage
a craft
show examples
 or similar,
whereas
Linking Words
 a mere 3 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of females
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 the same job. In general, manual
work
Use synonyms
 is preferred by fifty-two per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and only by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of ladies. Meanwhile,
womenfolk
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 mostly
work
Use synonyms
 in white-collar professions and menfolk
work
Use synonyms
 in those vocations less, the figures were 69 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and forty-eight per
cent
Use synonyms
 respectively. Clerical or related careers are favoured by 31 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of women,
while
Linking Words
 a modest six per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 pursue
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar occupations.
However
Linking Words
, general
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 are selected by only one per
cent
Use synonyms
 of women and by 2% of
men
Use synonyms
, which is the smallest segment that represents the least common occupation.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, work, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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