Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services

In the present world, music and theatre as an art has been playing a crucial role. Since several advantages have been noted, it is useful for people's mental health.

However

, some people argue that authorities should spend funds on public services rather than on art. I disagree with

this

statement.

Firstly

, investment in music brings people together from different cultures.

Secondly

, it has been proven beneficial for our health.

Submitted by neetpunar on Sat Dec 09 2023

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structure

The essay lacks a proper introduction and conclusion, which are essential for structuring the argument effectively. To improve, consider including a clear introductory paragraph that presents the topic and states your opinion clearly, and a conclusion that succinctly summarizes the main points and restates your stance.

content

You need to ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should contain one main idea, supported by detailed examples or explanations. The essay submitted lacks development in both argumentation and examples. Expand your paragraphs with more comprehensive support for your points.

task completion

Make sure to respond fully to all parts of the task. Address the prompt by discussing why you believe government investment in arts is not a waste and comparing it to public services. Provide a balanced argument with relevant examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

69 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural enrichment
expression of creativity
promote diversity
enhance social cohesion
boost tourism
job creation
stimulate economic growth
improve quality of life
essential services
maintenance and development

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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The spread of multinational companies and the resulting increase of globalization produce positive effects to everyone. Do you agree or disagree?

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is traffic on roads. Traffic on roads has become a problem in the world. It is undeniable that cars has become an essential part of our life

Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are best at or they are most interested in. To what extend do you agree?

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve, while others think that the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make some action. Discuss both views and give your opinion.