Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In the contemporary era, many would argue that
to serve
your Change the verb form
serving
county
is absolutely necessary for the young generations. There are many Correct your spelling
country
countries
where it is obliged to serve in military forces not only young men but also
young women. However
, as it
can be seen in today's world, it Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
have been
many Verb problem
apply
countries
which are not having
Wrong verb form
have
the
army at all.
First and foremost. having strong military forces can have some benefits Correct article usage
an
due to
general threat
from neighbours. Many Fix the agreement mistake
threats
countries
and even the blocks of countries
have had a very complicated relationship from now and then
. Having said that, keeping the
strong army is neededCorrect article usage
a
,
because it provides better national security and it gives safety for the average citizens.Remove the comma
apply
Moreover
, when women are involved, it gets equality in military
aspect. To exemplify, in Correct article usage
the military
Israel
both men and women Add a comma
Israel,
are have
to serve in the army.
Change the verb form
have
On the other hand
, the negative impacts of mandatory military services
cannot be ignored. Mainly, it concerns Fix the agreement mistake
service
Correct article usage
the economical
economical
sector,education establishments and Replace the word
economic
labour
force. Correct article usage
the labour
Besides
, physical and mental health issues can be born due to
fragile
health of adolescents. Correct article usage
the fragile
In addition
, an enormous percent
of Replace the word
percentage
budget
should be invested to keep military forces on a regular basis. Correct article usage
the budget
Although
, these funds can be spent on community and civil service Correct word choice
However
programms
, which Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
are
may have been much more Unnecessary verb
apply
importatnt
for Correct your spelling
important
the
society.
In conclusion, undoubtedly, it is very important to have military service developed in order Correct article usage
apply
to
some Change preposition
for
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
are
in the permanent conflict statement. Change the verb form
to be
Nevertheless
, there is no shadow of a doubt that, in the modern era all disputes can finished
in a Change the verb form
be finished
peacefull
way and money should have been spent on social programs.Correct your spelling
peaceful
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic, and the subsequent paragraphs should each focus on one main idea, providing clear explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
The use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, and appropriate paragraphing is important to guide the reader through your essay. Work on using these more effectively to improve the logical flow of your argument.
task achievement
In your introduction, you should paraphrase the prompt more effectively and state your thesis statement clearly to immediately make your opinion known to the reader.
task achievement
Each body paragraph should have a clear central topic that is expanded upon with detailed explanations and examples. You need to provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of ideas and strive to present information concisely. This will make your argument stronger and your essay more focused and precise.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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