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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Traffic on roads has become a problem in nearly every country in the world. What can be done to reduce the amount of traffic at a society level? What could individuals do to help?

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Over the
last
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 decades,
traffic
Use synonyms
 has caused multiple
issues
Use synonyms
 in many communities.
Furthermore
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, car accident risk and pollution risk are higher than ever before worldwide.
Consequently
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, there is a deep need to
tackling
Wrong verb form
tackle
show examples
this
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 problem sooner than later.
This
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 essay will discuss the measures that can be taken as a civilization and as individuals.
Firstly
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, authorities need to take action with modern transport strategies that include new legislation. Regulating
traffic
Use synonyms
 is of paramount importance so as to decrease
traffic
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, the government should implement new measures
such
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 as setting
"park
Change preposition
up "park
show examples
 and ride" schemes and implementing money in order to subsidy means of transport. In
this
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way
Use synonyms
, people would be encouraged to choose public transportation as a
way
Use synonyms
 of commuting, reducing both emissions coming from vehicles and car crashes.
Secondly
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, individuals must seek to educate themselves about the
issues
Use synonyms
 in the usage of automobiles. In
this
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way
Use synonyms
, citizens will not involve themselves in negligent acts,
in other words
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,
drink-driving
Verb problem
driving
show examples
 and joyriding.
Similarly
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, awareness about pollution would be raised, making people opt for alternatives to mobility.
For instance
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, if more inhabitants educated themselves, a bigger proportion of them would choose cycling to their jobs and homes in cycle lanes,
as well as
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 public transport.
Therefore
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,
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
 in cities will be reduced. In conclusion, heavy
traffic
Use synonyms
 brings detrimental effects in urban areas. It does not only affect the environment with contamination, but it
also
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 risks people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Politicians play a key role in regulating the number of cars that can go in and out of cities.
Likewise
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, individuals must start paying attention to these
issues
Use synonyms
. In
this
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way
Use synonyms
, they will start choosing greener and safer modes of reaching their destinations.

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coherence cohesion
You have organized the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, which is good practice. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, ensuring that each paragraph naturally leads to the next. Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
While the main ideas are relevant to the essay topic, they need to be developed further. Providing clear examples and data to support your arguments will strengthen your essay. Also, personal pronouns should be used cautiously in formal academic writing.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but the scope of discussion could be broader. You should discuss a more diverse range of solutions to address both aspects of the question comprehensively. Emphasize societal-level solutions equally to individual-level solutions.
task achievement
There's a tendency to present ideas in general terms. Strive to provide clear, comprehensive ideas that are well illustrated with specific and relevant examples. These examples can be hypothetical but should be directly related to the question prompt.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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