IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Shopping is the favourite free time activity for many young people today. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time rather than shopping?

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Owing to technology and
Wrong verb form
advanced
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advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 development, young
people
Use synonyms
became
Wrong verb form
have become
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 more
Replace the word
aware
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awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
Change preposition
of
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in
Change preposition
of
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 fashion and how to
be in
Verb problem
have
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 a nice look
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
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therefore
Linking Words
 they spend more time
Change preposition
apply
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in
Change preposition
apply
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shopping rather than doing other
Replace the word
beneficial
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benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
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activities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will
will
Remove the redundancy
apply
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articulate the reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 statement
as well as
Linking Words
 other
paremount
Correct your spelling
paramount
activities
Use synonyms
 than shopping. To commence with the reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
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why young
people
Use synonyms
 like shopping in their free
tim
Correct your spelling
time
. The major and foremost reason is
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
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 of communities desire to be more fashionable in
additional
Replace the word
addition
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 to
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 proud in front of others
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 their friend. Particularly those
people
Use synonyms
 who have their own channels in different applications. My uncle is one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
good example from the start
doing
Change preposition
of doing
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 his channel
in
Change preposition
on
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 different kinds of platforms, he really became more
fashion
Replace the word
fashionable, and
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also
Linking Words
 he has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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completely
Change
Change the verb form
Changing
Changed
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 his way of addressing,
thus
Linking Words
 he
spend
Change the verb form
spends
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 most of his free time
on line
Correct your spelling
online
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 shopping.
consequently
Linking Words
, perhaps these reasons are
conveniens
Correct your spelling
convenient
 for adolescents whine like shopping. Answering the other question it seems to me
yes
Add the comma(s)
, yes
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 individuals in their middle and
roses
Change the noun form
rose
show examples
 ages should do other crucial
activities
Use synonyms
 rather than shopping. To be more
precisely
Change the word
precise
show examples
,
ther
Correct your spelling
there
 are some other important and positive
activities
Use synonyms
 like reading
doing
Correct word choice
and doing
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 exercises
in addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and visiting friends. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
 of all these
Use synonyms
activities
Add a comma
activities,
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 have
achose
Correct your spelling
chosen
chose
 and
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 to be more successful and have
agreat
Correct your spelling
a great
great
 life. In conclusion, it seems to me the most reasonable for
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more time
on
Change preposition
apply
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shopping especially
young
Change preposition
for young
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 is social a great look and social media,
additionally
Linking Words
 they should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do other
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
Venice
activities
Use synonyms
 rather than shopping.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical structure throughout the essay. Organize ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single focus.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the topic and the conclusion should provide a final thought without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with relevant examples or explanations. Make sure each point made helps to answer the prompt.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Provide a full and relevant response to each question in the prompt.
task achievement
Clearly express ideas using appropriate vocabulary and varied sentence structures. Avoid repetition and strive for clarity.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate points. Relate the examples directly to the question to demonstrate understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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