Shopping is the favourite free time activity for many young people today. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time rather than shopping?

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Owing to technology and
Wrong verb form
advanced

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb advance. Consider changing it.

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advance
Replace the word
advanced

The word advance doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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development, young
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

became
Wrong verb form
have become

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb became. Consider changing it.

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more
Replace the word
aware
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awareness
Replace the word
aware

The word awareness doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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Change preposition
of
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in
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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fashion and how to
be in
Verb problem
have

There may be a verb use issue here.

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a nice look
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter therefore. Consider adding the comma(s).

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therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they spend more time
Change preposition
apply
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in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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shopping rather than doing other
Replace the word
beneficial
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benefits
Replace the word
beneficial

The word benefits doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

will
will
Remove the redundancy
apply

Oops! It appears that you typed will twice in a row. Consider deleting one of them.

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articulate the reason
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

other
paremount
Correct your spelling
paramount

If you don’t want paremount to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

than shopping. To commence with the reasons
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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why young
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

like shopping in their free
tim
Correct your spelling
time

If you don’t want tim to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. The major and foremost reason is
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds

It appears that the plural demonstrative those is modifying the singular noun kind. Consider using a singular demonstrative or a plural noun instead.

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of communities desire to be more fashionable in
additional
Replace the word
addition

The word additional doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to
be
Wrong verb form
being

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb be. Consider changing it.

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proud in front of others
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter especially their friend. Consider adding the comma(s).

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their friend. Particularly those
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who have their own channels in different applications. My uncle is one
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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good example from the start
doing
Change preposition
of doing

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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his channel
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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different kinds of platforms, he really became more
fashion
Replace the word
fashionable, and

The word fashion also doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

he has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb been appears to be unnecessary here.

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completely
Change
Change the verb form
Changing
Changed

It appears that the verb Change should be in a participle form for the present perfect continuous tense. Consider changing the verb form.

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his way of addressing,
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

he
spend
Change the verb form
spends

It appears that the subject pronoun he and the verb spend are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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most of his free time
on line
Correct your spelling
online

The word on line seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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shopping.
consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, perhaps these reasons are
conveniens
Correct your spelling
convenient

If you don’t want conveniens to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

for adolescents whine like shopping. Answering the other question it seems to me
yes
Add the comma(s)
, yes

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter yes. Consider adding the comma(s).

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individuals in their middle and
roses
Change the noun form
rose

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of roses. Consider changing it to singular.

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ages should do other crucial
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rather than shopping. To be more
precisely
Change the word
precise

Precisely seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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,
ther
Correct your spelling
there

If you don’t want ther to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

are some other important and positive
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

like reading
doing
Correct word choice
and doing

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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exercises
in addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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and visiting friends. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun results in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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of all these
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

activities
Add a comma
activities,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase As a results of all these activities. Consider adding a comma.

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young
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have
achose
Correct your spelling
chosen
chose

If you don’t want achose to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different

If you don’t want diffrent to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to be more successful and have
agreat
Correct your spelling
a great
great

If you don’t want agreat to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

life. In conclusion, it seems to me the most reasonable for
spending
Wrong verb form
spend

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb spending. Consider changing it.

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more time
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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shopping especially
young
Change preposition
for young

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is social a great look and social media,
additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they should
to
Change the verb form
apply

The word to is usually unnecessary after the modal verb should. Consider removing it.

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do other
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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Venice
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rather than shopping.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical structure throughout the essay. Organize ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single focus.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the topic and the conclusion should provide a final thought without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with relevant examples or explanations. Make sure each point made helps to answer the prompt.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Provide a full and relevant response to each question in the prompt.
task achievement
Clearly express ideas using appropriate vocabulary and varied sentence structures. Avoid repetition and strive for clarity.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate points. Relate the examples directly to the question to demonstrate understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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