Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

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There are debates on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
course selection for university students in terms of their necessity.
While
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others might think it is essential to focus on mandatory subjects that are beneficial in their future career, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
should take additional courses, since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can expand their
knowledge
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as well as
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skills
Use synonyms
.  Devoting time and energy to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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essential subjects for work preparation can easily make
people
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have a successful career path in their workplace. For some
people
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, being a smart person
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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exceed
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exceeds
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the qualifications
from
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of
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the company,
consequently
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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them to step
the
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to the
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next level. Take an illustration of someone who has
mastering
Wrong verb form
mastered
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knowledge
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on
Change preposition
of
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programming and decoding
programmes
Correct your spelling
programs
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that are required
from
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by
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the company. When they become
employee
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an employee
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in that place, they certainly will be recognizable by many
people
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and have a likelihood to be involved in many projects,
thus
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resulting in a quick promotion.
However
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, I think studying only for qualifications will
only
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apply
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limit the students’ opportunity to nourish themselves with other
knowledge
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as it might be useful too during their work period. 
On the other hand
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, additional subjects
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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roles in not only constructing new
knowledge
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,
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apply
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but
also
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certain
skills
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. Generally, when
people
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are enrolling themselves into optional courses, they are generating new abilities that will subliminally improve their soft and hard
skills
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area,
hence
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consequently
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adding
values
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value
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to their personal branding.
Furthemore
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Furthermore
, different areas
also
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help students to be more adaptable, once their paths are not going as they expected or calculated
,
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apply
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since they
already
Add a missing verb
are already
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equipped with
back-up
Correct your spelling
backup
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skills
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. I support
this
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view because apart from adding information to enrich
knowledge
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, learning should be media to improve students’ abilities
to
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in
show examples
variety
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a variety
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areas
Change preposition
of areas
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and circumstances. 
To conclude
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, studying to fulfill certain qualifications in
job
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a job
show examples
might help students to achieve an excellent career path, but learning different areas
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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more crucial to build
another
Replace the adjective
another skill
other skills
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skills
Use synonyms
for them.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
When addressing the topic, it's crucial to ensure that each paragraph presents a clear topic sentence and follows with supporting details that stay relevant. Consider refining support examples in each paragraph for a more robust argument. Although you provided examples, make them more specific to the point you are making to add weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical flow with an introduction and conclusion. To enhance coherence, make sure you clearly introduce your main points in the introduction and refer back to them in the conclusion to strengthen the overall structure. Work on the transitions between ideas and paragraphs so they knit together more seamlessly. Also, consider varying your linking words and phrases to demonstrate a wide range of coherence tools.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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