Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree

It is argued by
myriad
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a myriad
the myriad
show examples
of
people
that
sugar
-based food
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
should be made more expensive. It will cut down
consumption
of
these
Change the determiner
this product
these products
show examples
product
and results in better
health
condition for
people
. It is known to all that
consumption
of more
sugar
-based
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
leads to diabetes and poor resistance power among human beings. I believe sugary
product
prices should be hiked so that their
consumption
will drop and
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
in
healthier
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a healthier
show examples
population. On the one hand, sugary
products
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product
show examples
consumption
is riskier to human
health
.
Disease
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Diseases
show examples
like diabetes and poor resistance are common
example
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examples
show examples
of poor
health
condition
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conditions
show examples
in human beings.
Furthermotre
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Furthermore
, Food
products
like beverages
such
coco
cola
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Coca-Cola
show examples
,
Pepsi
Correct word choice
and Pepsi
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contain high
sugar
level
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levels
show examples
.
For example
,
sugar
-based food like sweets and juices should be priced more across the globe to make sure
sugar
consumption
gets dwindling. Carbonated drinks and sweets should be taxed more just like
cigrates
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
migrates
to control the demand for
sugar
-based
products
.
On the other hand
, sugary
product
consumption
leads to poor
resistant
Replace the word
resistance
show examples
in humans.
As
Correct word choice
Consumption
show examples
consumption
of
sugar
affects
Correct article usage
the pancreases
show examples
pancreases
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pancreas
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and increases the level of
sugar
in
body
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the body
show examples
. It results in feeble resistance power for humans.
Moreover
, most
people
suffer from motion sickness, poor stamina, and tiredness from
sugar
consumption
.
For example
,
rise
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the rise
a rise
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
sugar
consumption
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
is witnessed in
age
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the age
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group of
30to45 year old
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30to45-year-old
show examples
adults worldwide in a report prepared by WHO. These
people
have reported fatigue,
tiredness
Correct word choice
and tiredness
show examples
as common symptoms in their daily routines. In conclusion,
although
sugary
products
have universal demand across the globe, we should
also
take care of
health
problem and
threat
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the threat
show examples
it causes in mankind.
Submitted by yash334 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay flows logically from one point to the next; a lack of clear progression makes the argument less convincing.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, refine them to more sharply preview and summarize the main points and reinforce your stance.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by using more precise and varied supporting details; your essay requires specific examples and evidence for each argument made.
task achievement
Your response addresses the topic, but expanding on the implications and including contrasting viewpoints could strengthen the essay.
task achievement
Present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively by ensuring that each paragraph has a single, unambiguous focus.
task achievement
Include relevant specific examples to substantiate your points; the use of generic instances reduces the persuasive power of your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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