Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree
It is argued by
myriad
of Add an article
a myriad
the myriad
people
that sugar
-based food product
should be made more expensive. It will cut down Fix the agreement mistake
products
consumption
of these
Change the determiner
this product
these products
product
and results in better health
condition for people
. It is known to all that consumption
of more sugar
-based product
leads to diabetes and poor resistance power among human beings. I believe sugary Fix the agreement mistake
products
product
prices should be hiked so that their consumption
will drop and results
in Correct subject-verb agreement
result
healthier
population.
On the one hand, sugary Add an article
a healthier
products
Change the noun form
product
consumption
is riskier to human health
. Disease
like diabetes and poor resistance are common Change the noun form
Diseases
example
of poor Fix the agreement mistake
examples
health
condition
in human beings.Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
Furthermotre
, Food Correct your spelling
Furthermore
products
like beverages such
coco cola
, Correct your spelling
Coca-Cola
Pepsi
contain high Correct word choice
and Pepsi
sugar
level
. Fix the agreement mistake
levels
For example
, sugar
-based food like sweets and juices should be priced more across the globe to make sure sugar
consumption
gets dwindling. Carbonated drinks and sweets should be taxed more just like cigrates
to control the demand for Correct your spelling
cigarettes
migrates
sugar
-based products
.
On the other hand
, sugary product
consumption
leads to poor resistant
in humans. Replace the word
resistance
As
Correct word choice
Consumption
consumption
of sugar
affects Correct article usage
the pancreases
pancreases
and increases the level of Fix the agreement mistake
pancreas
sugar
in body
. It results in feeble resistance power for humans. Add an article
the body
Moreover
, most people
suffer from motion sickness, poor stamina, and tiredness from sugar
consumption
. For example
, rise
Add an article
the rise
a rise
of
Change preposition
in
sugar
consumption
level
is witnessed in Fix the agreement mistake
levels
age
group of Add an article
the age
30to45 year old
adults worldwide in a report prepared by WHO. These Add a hyphen
30to45-year-old
people
have reported fatigue, tiredness
as common symptoms in their daily routines.
In conclusion, Correct word choice
and tiredness
although
sugary products
have universal demand across the globe, we should also
take care of health
problem and threat
it causes in mankind.Add an article
the threat
Submitted by yash334 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay flows logically from one point to the next; a lack of clear progression makes the argument less convincing.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, refine them to more sharply preview and summarize the main points and reinforce your stance.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by using more precise and varied supporting details; your essay requires specific examples and evidence for each argument made.
task achievement
Your response addresses the topic, but expanding on the implications and including contrasting viewpoints could strengthen the essay.
task achievement
Present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively by ensuring that each paragraph has a single, unambiguous focus.
task achievement
Include relevant specific examples to substantiate your points; the use of generic instances reduces the persuasive power of your arguments.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite