Some say that watching television among children has detrimental effects on their growth while others say otherwise. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views
Some people argue that
children
growth could be affected in a negative way by the Change noun form
children's
content
of television
, while
other people say it is not related at all. I agree that television
program
have impacts on Fix the agreement mistake
programs
under age
viewers as there are Correct your spelling
underage
Correct article usage
a numbers
numbers
of harmful Fix the agreement mistake
number
content
broadcasted via television
.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that television
could trigger children
to learn new cultures and knowledges
by watching its Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
content
. Some television
makes a
special program for Correct article usage
apply
children
and attractive visualization so children
could
develop their motoric brain. Wrong verb form
can
For instance
, the
kids could Correct article usage
apply
learned
how to Change the verb form
learn
dancing
via Wrong verb form
dance
television
program
as they can follow the Fix the agreement mistake
programs
movement
and it can trigger Fix the agreement mistake
movements
children
's new skills. However
, despite the positive content
, there also
Add a missing verb
is also
many
harmful Correct word choice
apply
content
in
Change preposition
on
television
which dangerous for the
kids.
On the one hand, parents Correct article usage
apply
also
should take a look on
Change preposition
at
Correct article usage
the numbers
numbers
of adults and harmful Fix the agreement mistake
number
content
on television
. Even though television
have a broadcasting guideline, there still
some illegal practice which allows dangerous Add a missing verb
are still
content
for children
on air. Indeed, childhood is a phase of life which
kids want to Change preposition
in which
copying
their Change the verb
copy
idol
so it Fix the agreement mistake
idols
is become
a concern when their idol shows bad habits Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
in
Change preposition
on
television
. For example
, some artists are actively consuming cigarrets
and alcohol Correct your spelling
cigars
in
Change preposition
on
the
public Correct article usage
apply
televisions
. If it Fix the agreement mistake
television
is continue
, Change the verb form
continues
children
could start the same habits from an early age which is harmful for
their health condition.
In conclusion, I agree Change preposition
to
to
the given statement that watching Change preposition
with
television
has bad effects on the
Correct article usage
apply
children
development as there are many Change noun form
children's
harmful
Change preposition
of harmful
content
broadcasted
. Replace the word
broadcast
However
, I also
realize that some television
programs are positive and could trigger new skills and potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
of
Change preposition
in
children
.Submitted by ryanrush16 on
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task achievement
The essay presents ideas that address the topic, but the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial and could be significantly expanded upon to achieve a higher band. It is important to deepen the analysis and provide more nuanced arguments and a wider range of relevant examples. Be sure to fully explore all aspects of the question and maintain a balanced discussion. When discussing differing viewpoints, give them equal consideration and develop each point thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an adequate logical structure, but transitions between ideas can be smoother. Aim to use a wider variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing to create a more seamless flow. A clear introduction and conclusion are present; however, the thesis statement could be stronger, and the conclusion could be more comprehensive. Consider revising to make the main points stand out more prominently and tie the whole essay together more effectively for the reader. Good coherence and cohesion are crucial for a high band score.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite