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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows the percentage of people who aten five portions of fruit and vegetable per day in the uk from 2001 to 2008

The chart below shows the percentage of people who aten five portions of fruit and vegetable per day in the uk from 2001 to 2008
#percentage #people #aten #five #portions #fruit #vegetable #uk
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The
bargraph
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bar graph
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illustrates
illustrate
illlustrates
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illustrates
 the relative
contributin
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contribution
contributions
 made by the people who consumed five
fruits
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 and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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 in a day Over the whole
time
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period
Add a comma
period,
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 the
percentage
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 of eating
fruits
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 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 by women,
men
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 and and
children
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 has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difference
in
Change preposition
from
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year
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 to
year
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.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
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 to women the
percentage
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 of
men
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 and
children
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on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
devouring
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 per day is quite low. The eating
percentage
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 of eating
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 by
children
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 is
remains
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
12
Change preposition
at 12
show examples
 from the
year
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 2001 to 2003.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
 going to
applicable
Add a missing verb
be applicable
show examples
 for
men
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 they
remains
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 at 18
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percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in the period which is mentioned for
children
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. But both of them offered their
time
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 for consuming greens and wares
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased from the
year
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 2004.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
year
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 2006
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percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 haven by
children
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 is more than 20
at
Correct word choice
and at
show examples
 the same
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
time,
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 it is more than 25
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
men
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 as well.
Womens
Correct your spelling
Women
 remained a steady consumer of
time
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 in
uk
Correct your spelling
UK
 for devouring five
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2006 it increased to 30
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percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. But from the
year
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2007
Add a comma
2007,
show examples
 their concentration towards eating
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 is declined.
Use synonyms
Percentage
Correct article usage
The percentage
show examples
 of consuming greens and wares in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2008 is less than 30%
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is slightly low when
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with the
percentage
Use synonyms
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 have in the earlier years.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fruits, time, percentage, vegetables, men, children, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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