You would like to be work in a different city to be closer to your family. Write a letter to your employer to request a transfer to another office. In the letter: - Explain why you would like to move - Request that your employer place you in a specific city - Request that it be completed by a certain date

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Dear Manager, Hope
this
letter finds you well. I am writing
this
letter to request you to relocate me to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Hyderabad, where my family resides.
Firstly
, I am extremely grateful for giving me the opportunity to work with
this
organization. I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
with
this
organization
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
4 years in Bangalore. I would like you to consider me moving to Hyderabad city as my family stays there.As I had
mention
Change the verb form
mentioned
show examples
in our previous conversation
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and my wife
is
Wrong verb form
I were
show examples
blessed with a baby boy
last
month. They both are doing well. But as we move on
further
she will be requiring my parenting support.
Furthermore
, she will be joining her office in
coming
Add an article
a coming
the coming
show examples
month
last
week i.e. 24/12/2023.
Consequently
, We all know in today's modern world both
parent
Change to a plural noun
parents
show examples
are
require
Change the form of the verb
required
show examples
to raise a kid.Hope to hear from you
soonYours
Correct your spelling
soon yours
sincerelyAakash
Submitted by kishna.238 on

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coherence cohesion
The letter could be better structured with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph contains one main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
While you provided explanations and a specific request, be sure to expand on these by providing more detail and supporting information to fully accomplish the task.
suitable writing tone
A more formal greeting and closing would be appropriate for correspondence with an employer. Refrain from using colloquial language and ensure the use of complete sentences.
logical structure
The use of more sophisticated connectors and transition phrases would enhance the cohesion of the letter.
single idea per paragraph
Paragraphs should be better separated to enhance the readability of the letter.

The Closing

The style of the letter determine how you have to close it.

Check out the suggested closing sentences for each type of letter in the General IELTS Test. The closing sentence should be the last sentence of your letter.

Formal style (To someone you have not met, whose name you don’t know)

  • Yours faithfully,

Semi-formal (To someone you may or may not have met, whose last name you know)

  • Yours sincerely,

Informal (To someone you know well, whose first name you know and use)

  • Best regards,
  • Warm wishes,

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