IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people say that there is the same culture in different areas in modern times. Describe positive or negative trends

#people #culture #areas #times #trends
In the period of globalization,the
culture
 of most of areas can smillar together and in my opinion,I completely agree with
this
 idea and
this
 opinion will be explained with a suitable conclusion in the following paragraphs. It is an undeniable fact that, a lot of countries have additional and these cultures now similar to each other thanks to
people
. in my opinion
this
 situation a positive trend and cultural resemblance is benefical in my country positively.Most of
people
 make an effort to same culturefor give an example :The first choice of
people
 between the age of 20 and 30 is known to be the
culture
 of different .
Moreover
 it should be taken into consideration that,
people
 to learn new
culture
,that's why they visited in other countries
thus
 interested different
culture
,in brief: different areas should become same
culture
 and there are benefits.
On the other hand
Submitted by ahmtkra771 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
The essay lacks a proper introduction and conclusion, which are essential components of a structured response. Ensure that your essay begins with an introductory paragraph that clearly states the topic and your position, and ends with a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak. The ideas presented are not well-organized, and the progression from one idea to the next is not smooth. Make sure to organize your paragraphs clearly with one main idea per paragraph, using cohesive devices to connect ideas.
task response
While the attempt to provide examples is noted, the examples given are not entirely relevant or specifically developed. This impacts the clarity and comprehensiveness of the ideas presented. It is important to use clear and specific examples to support your arguments and position on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!