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some people believe that government should take the responsiblity of aged people while others believe that its individual responsibility.

#people #government #responsiblity #responsibility
There are some arguments that society believes that the government should take care of the elderly and some opponent thinks that it is a personal responsibility. The following essay will discuss both sides of view and present my point of view. On one hand, the authority is accountable for saving their community, especially the old one.
Firstly
, government law mentions that aged and poor
people
 are being protected by the nation.
For example
, health insurance is one of the most important things that a country can give to the old population to support their rest life to keep them healthy and safe.
On the other hand
, some
people
 tend to believe that protecting old
people
 is their own responsibility.
Therefore
, aged families have to stand on their feet to survive when nobody cares for them.
For instance
, they have to be trained to live alone at home when their children leave them for some reason.
Finally
,
while
 some may say that the government tend to be responsible for aged
people
 in order to protect them, some believe that aged
people
 have their own blame to take care of themselves. In conclusion,
however
, I believe that the country has to be responsible for aged persons as it is mentioned in our constitution about protecting old and poor folks.
Submitted by anggin.anesthesya on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Try to better connect your ideas and paragraphs for a more cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clear introduction and conclusion which summarises your main points. Make sure your conclusion reflects the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more thoroughly. Use more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and impactful.
task achievement
Make sure you address all parts of the prompt in your response. You must not only discuss both views but also clearly give your own opinion to fully meet the task requirements.
task achievement
Aim for clear and comprehensive ideas throughout your essay. Avoid ambiguity and ensure that your arguments are well articulated and easy to follow.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to support your points. This enhances validity and can help to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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