IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas that we use to power our cities and transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#alternative #energy #sources #power #wind #waves #sun #oil #gas #cities #transport
Nowadays, with the rapid development of sciences and technologies,
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of
power
sourses
Correct your spelling
sources
 have been invented and widely used . Many
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that new
sourses
Correct your spelling
sources
 of
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
show examples
 friendly
energy
sourses
Correct your spelling
sources
 like wind, water, and solar are too costly and difficult to generate than the traditional
power
 which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 generated by coal, petroleum, and
gas
. The following essay will demonstrate my
naturl
Correct your spelling
natural
 opinion on new
sources
 of
energy
 and
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
sources
 of
energy
. In terms of
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
show examples
 friendly
sources
, hydropower station
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 widely used around the world, especially used in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
places
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 has natural resources
such
 as lakes. Solar
power
 is widely used in many families. It is undeniable that these
sources
 of
power
 collect natural
energy
 to produce reusable
energy
 for our daily use, which reduces carbon
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
.
However
, the cons still exist,
For example
, solar
energy
 will be very efficient in places
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 less sunlight, which will not be able to
satisfied
Wrong verb form
satisfy
show examples
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 demand for
energy
.
On the other hand
, coal and petroleum,
gas
 are still very common in our daily lives. These
sources
 of
powers
Fix the agreement mistake
power
show examples
 generates immediate and efficient
power
 to meet the demand in our nowadays society.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if a road trip is scheduled, we would prefer to ride in a petroleum vehicle rather than an EV
due to
 the fact that plenty of
gas
 stations are easy to find on the route. A charging station will take a
while
 to find.
Furthermore
 filling
gas
 takes
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 minutes, but charging an EV takes half
hour
Correct article usage
an hour
show examples
 or an hour.
Nonetheless
, traditional
power
sources
 will accelerate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming. In conclusion, new
sources
 of
energy
 are
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
show examples
 friendly,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 could be extremely
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
efficient under special circumstances. Traditional
power
sources
 are more efficient and easy to satisfy
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
demand
Change preposition
of demand
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it is not as
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
show examples
 friendly as the new courses of
energy
 that are reusable.
Submitted by georgepan1998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Aim for a logical flow of ideas with clear topic sentences that inform the reader what each paragraph will discuss.
task achievement
Provide a clear stance on the issue from the beginning and maintain this viewpoint throughout the essay. Make certain that each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: