Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.
Many believe that
women
are the best for raising children as compred
to Correct your spelling
compared
men
in most societies whereas
others say that men
's parenting is better as much as women
do. I agree that
the former opinion because Change preposition
with
women
sacrifice their life
to Fix the agreement mistake
lives
grow up
their kids than Verb problem
raise
men
do. This
essay shall discuss it briefly.
On the one hand, women
are the best in parenting and she
anything do for Correct pronoun usage
they
her
children even if they sacrifice Correct pronoun usage
their
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
too
, she does not care about herself, she only thinks about her Rephrase
apply
kid's
Change noun form
kids'
life
and Fix the agreement mistake
lives
future
. Many Fix the agreement mistake
futures
women
take break
and quit Add an article
a break
from
their professional Change preposition
apply
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
for raising
toddlers with Change preposition
to raise
properly
and Change the word
proper
discipline
manners. Wrong verb form
disciplined
For example
, women
basically have the
more Correct article usage
apply
responsible
person as compared to Replace the word
responsibility
men
, any work she starts with interestingly, she would be
Verb problem
apply
finished
perfectly with love and care. Mother always preaches Wrong verb form
finishes
the
morals and ethics with Correct article usage
apply
life
example
and she only can doFix the agreement mistake
examples
.
Rephrase
so.
On the other hand
, fathers also
do parenting as much as mothers and men
's parenting way is quite different, he
raises children in different method Correct pronoun usage
they
such
as play and fun. Most fathers play with their kids at weekends while
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
teaches
a lot of morals and ethics in order to child can learn Correct subject-verb agreement
teach
with
playing. Change preposition
by
For instance
, western
Change preposition
in western
nation's
fathers are not Change noun form
nation
a
serious Correct article usage
apply
person
and they play and trip with Fix the agreement mistake
people
them
loved ones, Correct pronoun usage
their
as a result
, the bonding between the father and kid
would be increased.
Correct article usage
the kid
To conclude
, women
's parenting method is the best rather tahn
Correct your spelling
than
men
because she
sacrifice Correct pronoun usage
they
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
life
for raising their toddlers with love and care Fix the agreement mistake
lives
whereas
men
also
do the
good parenting as much as Correct article usage
apply
women
with
play and fun Change preposition
in
way
. Fix the agreement mistake
ways
However
, I agree that the
Correct article usage
apply
women
play the
great role in parenting and they are Correct article usage
a
the best
than Correct word choice
better
men
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a coherent logical structure, and the ideas are not fully developed or well-connected. You should strive to create a clear progression of ideas and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects logically to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they are underdeveloped and contain several grammatical mistakes, which makes it difficult to understand the main argument. Aim to write a strong introduction that clearly states your position and a conclusion that effectively summarises the main points of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need stronger development and support. Each paragraph should center around one main idea and be supported by specific details and examples. In your essay, the examples provided are too general and require more development to be convincing.
task achievement
The response only partially fulfills the task requirements. The argument is not fully developed, and the essay does not provide a balanced view of the topic, which is required in 'discuss both views' tasks. Ensure that you address all parts of the task and provide a balanced discussion or clear opinion as required.
task achievement
Your ideas are not clearly or comprehensively expressed, due in part to language inaccuracies and unclear sentence structures. Focus on developing clear and concise sentences that effectively convey your ideas to the reader.
task achievement
Specific examples are lacking or too general. Include more relevant and specific examples to illustrate and support your points. These examples should be detailed and clearly related to the topic to help strengthen your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.