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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Students should focus on learning in the classroom rather than show their status by wearing fashionable clothes. Therefore all students should wear school uniform. Do you agree or disagree

#students #focus #classroom #show #status #clothes #school #uniform
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As globalization era technology and fashion trends are connected by social humans. It makes
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 concerned about the
clothes
 or the level of society which will make
children
 focus more on fashionable
clothes
 when they go to
school
. Some people think that students should interested in the lesson rather than their appearance by wearing new
clothes
 and wearing
school
uniforms
. In my view, there
plays
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a pivot advantage for a child and
parents
 in the same way.
To begin
 with, wearing
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 has a crucial role for
children
 and
parents
. There is a symbol from the
school
 that can separate students from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
academy
Fix the agreement mistake
academies
show examples
 and
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
. It can save some money for
parents
 because the
school
 can control the reasonable price of
uniforms
 and
easy
Add a missing verb
is easy
show examples
 to wash and tend.
Moreover
, kids do not have disagreements about
clothes
 or
privilege
Fix the agreement mistake
privileges
show examples
 at
school
 and teachers do not have to take care of them unfairly as well.
Hence
 a
school
uniform
 should be a good choice for
children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do not have to worry and
disturb
Wrong verb form
be disturbed
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 fashion or beauty
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
school
uniforms
 can be overwhelming for
children
such
 as old
shirt
Fix the agreement mistake
shirts
show examples
 or old shoes because some families have low finances
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they can not provide a new one for their kids.
Also
, some
children
 can show power through
a jewellery
Remove the article
jewellery
a piece of jewellery
show examples
 or a gadget that separates a status. Sometimes
uniform
 is prohibitively expensive because the authority want to make more profits from
parents
 and it is a hard situation like a published
school
 in my country. It will make a different status and level. So
then
 if a government does not take action or control that can affect their family and
children
 will not have opportunities to study or go to effective holistic education. In conclusion, wearing
uniform
Add an article
a uniform
show examples
 has two sides at the same time but a government or authority should comprehend and encourage their people and support curriculum practical programs in the Ministry of Education. In my view, I agree that we should incite students to wear
uniforms
 that beneficial them and can preserve desirable traditional
clothes
while
 a child should focus more on the lesson in the class.
Submitted by cherriess_cr on

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relevant specific examples
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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