Students should focus on learning in the classroom rather than show their status by wearing fashionable clothes. Therefore all students should wear school uniform. Do you agree or disagree

As globalization era technology and fashion trends are connected by social humans. It makes
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
concerned about the
clothes
or the level of society which will make
children
focus more on fashionable
clothes
when they go to
school
. Some people think that students should interested in the lesson rather than their appearance by wearing new
clothes
and wearing
school
uniforms
. In my view, there
plays
Verb problem
is
show examples
a pivot advantage for a child and
parents
in the same way.
To begin
with, wearing
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
has a crucial role for
children
and
parents
. There is a symbol from the
school
that can separate students from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
academy
Fix the agreement mistake
academies
show examples
and
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
. It can save some money for
parents
because the
school
can control the reasonable price of
uniforms
and
easy
Add a missing verb
is easy
show examples
to wash and tend.
Moreover
, kids do not have disagreements about
clothes
or
privilege
Fix the agreement mistake
privileges
show examples
at
school
and teachers do not have to take care of them unfairly as well.
Hence
a
school
uniform
should be a good choice for
children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
do not have to worry and
disturb
Wrong verb form
be disturbed
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
fashion or beauty
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
school
uniforms
can be overwhelming for
children
such
as old
shirt
Fix the agreement mistake
shirts
show examples
or old shoes because some families have low finances
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they can not provide a new one for their kids.
Also
, some
children
can show power through
a jewellery
Remove the article
jewellery
a piece of jewellery
show examples
or a gadget that separates a status. Sometimes
uniform
is prohibitively expensive because the authority want to make more profits from
parents
and it is a hard situation like a published
school
in my country. It will make a different status and level. So
then
if a government does not take action or control that can affect their family and
children
will not have opportunities to study or go to effective holistic education. In conclusion, wearing
uniform
Add an article
a uniform
show examples
has two sides at the same time but a government or authority should comprehend and encourage their people and support curriculum practical programs in the Ministry of Education. In my view, I agree that we should incite students to wear
uniforms
that beneficial them and can preserve desirable traditional
clothes
while
a child should focus more on the lesson in the class.
Submitted by cherriess_cr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that these sections are distinct and effectively bookend the main body of your essay.
logical structure
Your ideas would benefit from a more logical and clear progression. Aim for a coherent structure that guides the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
supported main points
Include more specific examples and explanations to support your main points. This will add depth to your argument and make it more compelling.
complete response
While the response does address the prompt, work on fully developing your ideas and arguments to more comprehensively cover the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify your ideas by expanding on them and explaining how they relate to the main argument. Be as specific as possible to enhance comprehension and impact.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate pertinent and detailed examples to back your views. Examples should be relevant and strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!