You have seen advertisement in an australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your latter Explain why you would like the job Give details of why would be a suitable person to employ Say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #six #months #child #parents #latter #job #person #time #australia

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing

this

letter to express my interest in the advertisement in Zara Magazine in Australia about taking care of a child and staying with their family.

Initially

, I had a bachelor’s of accounting from Cambridge University and I took three courses in a daycare.

Secondly

, I would be suitable for

this

job I have been looking after my nieces and nephews

therefore

, I know how to handle babies in the correct ways. I am preparing for the IELTS exam it would be a great way to improve my English language with the family especially speaking. I visited Australia to learn a language

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

time, I would like to visit tourist attractions and explore Australian culture. I am looking forward to a positive response. Yours faithfully,

Submitted by luhana.chii on Tue Dec 12 2023

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Task Achievement

Ensure to address all parts of the task. While you have provided reasons for wanting the job and your suitability, you have not elaborated on how you would spend your free time, which was a requirement of the task.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on connecting your ideas more coherently. Use a wider range of linking words and ensure that your paragraphs flow logically from one to the next.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

130 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Cultural exchange
Childcare
Adaptability
Nurturing
Pedagogical skills
Recreational activities
Domestic duties
First Aid certified
Homework assistance
Explore
Local customs
Interpersonal skills
Proactive
Enthusiastic
Responsible
CPR trained
Language acquisition
Sightseeing
Aussie lifestyle
Immerse

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