IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the government should pay health care and education, but others believe it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #health #care #education #government’s #responsibility
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In
this
 day and age, it
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 intensely debated whether governments should subsidize in
health
care
 system and schooling. I firmly believe that it is the authorities who are in charge of
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 expenses. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides and outline my opinion. On the one hand, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a number of reasons
explaining
Verb problem
apply
show examples
why people should share the responsibilities with the
government
. First of all, it is undeniable that the authorities have a variety of domains to
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
 about. Talking military
for example
, annually, it costs every country a huge amount of money.
Therefore
, in several nations, the
government
 is not able to afford
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
care
 and
education’s
Change noun form
education
show examples
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
.
Moreover
, in developing countries, the authorities are not likely to subsidize
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those 2 fields
due to
 their limited budget. The top priority of these
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 growth,
as a result
, other domains
are
Verb problem
do
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 not
received
Wrong verb form
receive
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 that much attention from governments.
On the other hand
, educational and
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
care
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 should be provided without any fee
due to
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 rationales. Since going to school and receiving
health
care
 treatment are
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
human rights, the citizens have the right not to pay any amount of money.
Moreover
, on
monthly
Correct article usage
a monthly
show examples
 basis, they
also
 have to pay a number of taxes, which is considered a reason for people not to spend any additional cost.
Last
 but not least, offering people
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
free education and
health
care
 despite their socioeconomic status is a way to increase living standards. By doing so, the countries can significantly develop which considerably
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
 prosperity. To recapitulate,
while
 the
government
 may not be able to afford schooling and
health
care’s
Change noun form
care
show examples
 expenses, I am of the opinion that it is the
government
 who is responsible in these fields.
Submitted by weezel on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each part of the essay should play its role effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your body paragraphs need to have clear main ideas that are expanded upon with appropriate explanation and examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking devices and phrases to ensure a smoother flow of ideas throughout your essay.
task achievement
Ensure you fully respond to the task by discussing both viewpoints and your own opinion throughout the essay, rather than summarizing the discussion at the end.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to support your points. Avoid general statements with no clear backing.
task achievement
While your ideas are understandable, aim to fully develop them to give your reader a complete sense of your perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • access
  • basic services
  • inequality
  • social cohesion
  • public health
  • well-being
  • human capital
  • economic development
  • individual responsibility
  • educational attainment
  • taxpayers
  • inefficiency
  • lack of choice
  • private sector
  • quality
  • innovation
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • role
What to do next:
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