Parents should encourage children to spend less time in studies and more time in physical activities. To what extent do you agree

It is often argued that parents should limit the
time
that children spend on studies and indulge more in activities
such
as
sports
and
exercises
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exercise
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. In my opinion, I believe that offspring should spend appropriate
time
for both education and physical activities as they both are considered equally important in shaping the aspects of values and well-being.
This
essay will discuss my opinion in detail with relevant examples. On the one hand, education plays a vital role on kids development.
That is
to say that studies assist them
to broaden
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in broadening
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their perspective of worldview by influencing them to learn the concepts and terminologies that are significant to
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
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how the world
is revolving
Wrong verb form
revolves
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.
Such
knowledge is definitely useful in real-world applications.
Therefore
, it is mandatory that they should spend more
time
in learning.
For instance
, it is evident that students who have poor academic performance lose important opportunities in life and face difficulties like unemployment.
On the other hand
, many proponents argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young ones should spend more
time
on physical games or
sports
.
In other words
, playing
sports
and doing exercises have immense benefits on children's physical and mental well-being as it helps to stimulate their intellectual learning
while
playing games which
also
strengthens their physical fitness by achieving and maintaining healthy body weight.
For example
, a recent study found that students who are active in activities outside their classroom have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enormous memory capabilities which aids them to retain more information.
Consequently
,
this
opens the door for
an
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apply
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early academic success. In conclusion,
although
many people claim that students should allocate more
time
on
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to
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physical education rather than reading school subjects, I believe that the knowledge which they gain from both skills
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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much needed in order to shine in their future.
Hence
, a balanced approach should be enforced when it comes to managing
time
between
sports
and studies.
Submitted by jeeanay on

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coherence cohesion
While you have presented a clear argument throughout the essay and have provided an introduction and a conclusion, it is important to ensure that all main points are fully developed and supported with specific evidence. Aim to include a variety of cohesive devices to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your response is complete and addresses the task prompt with a balanced view, but it would benefit from more specific examples and detailed support for your main points. Strive for a further depth of idea development to fulfill the full potential of the task achievement criterion.
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