IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The bar chart below describes/shows some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town
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The bar chart illustrates the many changes
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rate of
Individuals
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Australia
 and
people
 who were born outside
Australia
 staying
cities
Change preposition
in cities
show examples
, towns and rural areas from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the
number
 of
individuals
 born in
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 who stayed in
cities
 increased slightly;
similarly
 the amount of persons born outside
Australia
 who lived in
cities
 during
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
. Looking for more details about the rate of
people
 born in
Australia
,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1995 to 2010, the
number
 of
people
 born in
Australia
 who stayed in
cities
 rose slightly
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 50%.
Moreover
, the rate of
individuals
 who
staying
Change the form of the verb
stay
show examples
 in
rurals
Correct your spelling
rural
 areas went up
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 from 30% to 40%.
However
, the
person's
Change noun form
people
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 who
living
Wrong verb form
live
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 in towns
decrased
Correct your spelling
decreased
 slightly
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 30% to 40%. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
number
 of
person's
Change noun form
people
show examples
 born outside
Australia
 between 1995 to 2010, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
 who lived in
cities
 rose steadily from 80% to 60%.
On the other hand
, The
number
 of
individuals
 born outside
Australia
 in towns declined slightly
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 15% to 10%,
similarly
 to
people
 who stayed in rural areas went down from 15% to 5%.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introductory paragraph effectively paraphrases the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages shown in the bar chart.
task achievement
Develop your main points fully, with an unambiguous explanation of the data. Represent the information accurately, using appropriate figures and trends from the chart.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to help connect ideas and paragraphs. Exercise caution with repetitive structures.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay in logical paragraphs: an introduction, an overview, body paragraphs for each key point, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your description of the data is logical and that trends are clear. Avoid confusing percentages with actual figures, and clarify your expressions (e.g., 'rose slightly at 50%' is unclear).

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
What to do next:
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