In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people's skin.Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

It is true that nowadays
people
pay more attention to their self-regulation,
in particular
, they put emphasis on the
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
of
Correct pronoun usage
their skin
show examples
skin
Correct pronoun usage
their skin
show examples
. Towards
this
issue,
people
stand
Correct pronoun usage
who stand
show examples
on different
ground
Fix the agreement mistake
grounds
show examples
will give completely different views.
Whereas
, I will analyze
this
situation from many aspects as follows.
To begin
with, there are several reasons why more and more
people
choose to turn their
skin
into white.
Firstly
, It
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
the change of aesthetic concept and can be
owed
Verb problem
attributed
show examples
to a vast array of television programmes. The characters in it are all very white and thin,
then
from a long time influences, white and thin are the judgements of
beauty
Add an article
the beauty
show examples
of a person will leave a foundation in their mind.
Secondly
,
people
live a better life than in the past. The more money they earn, the more chances of investing themselves they will get. Only because they gain much more income, they have
power
Change the article
the power
show examples
to do things they like, especially take care of their
skin
.
Then
I would like to share some effects that
this
issue will bring
with
Correct pronoun usage
with it
show examples
. The first one
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
its
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
on
people
's health.
This
technology has developed in
recents
Correct your spelling
recent
years,
in other words
,
noboday
Correct your spelling
nobody
can ensure if it will benefit
people
or not do harm to them. Actually, it is not mature.
Besides
,
this
product does not like
anyother
Correct your spelling
any other
things just
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
on the surface of your
skin
, it is more like
Correct article usage
a vaccinate
show examples
vaccinate
Replace the word
vaccination
show examples
and
finally
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
into your body.
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
show examples
exists
Correct subject-verb agreement
exist
show examples
risks. The second one is for society. Admittedly,
exaggerate
Wrong verb form
exaggerating
show examples
the usage of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
white products may lead
Change preposition
to the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
terrible atmosphere in daily life, what
people
really need to pursue is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal healthy beauty. In conclusion, for
this
product,
people
should see it from many perspectives and
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
chioce
Correct your spelling
choice
.
Submitted by ysh424 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical organization of ideas, maintaining clear progression throughout the essay. Better structuring of paragraphs with clear topic sentences will enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to better connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion of reasons and effects with a clear position throughout the response. Expand on the response to meet task requirements comprehensively.
task achievement
Develop ideas clearly and comprehensively, providing more detail and explanation for each point made. Elaborate on the ideas with relevant examples to support them fully.
task achievement
Use specific examples from knowledge or experience to back up points, ensuring relevance and further illustrating ideas. This adds depth to the essay and demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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