IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skill. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions.

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It is true that businesses suffer from their new workers who seem to have basic interpersonal
skills
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 issue.There are few causes for
this
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 problem which can be tackled with some simple solutions. The lack of communication
skills
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 mostly rooted to the person's childhood .
Firstly
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 , The way modern world parents raise their children .
For instance
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, Most of them do not allow their children to attend new classes beside the school and be more in touch with new people.
Secondly
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 , school's teaching methods play significant role on students future. There are not enough classes related to
this
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 subject. So it can leads to problems in their future career.
Finally
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, Not being well prepared for that business could cause problems because there is not preparatory sessions for new employees.
However
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, There are some suggestions that could be used to solve
this
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 problem.
For example
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, parents should involve their children in certain activities that are useful and benefit them in their future.
such
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 as teamwork sports which are very helpful for their cooperation
skills
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.
Also
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 , schools should consider some programs in which students can learn how to communicate with the individuals.
Furthermore
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 , Some classes could be settled in order to teach new employees business cooperation and communication techniques, So they will be able to connect with customers more effectively. In conclusion, I argue that bad education is the main reason for interpersonal
skills
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 problem and it can be fixed easily due some changes in our education system.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your essay lacked a distinct introduction and conclusion which are crucial for setting the context and summarizing your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing logical paragraphs with clear topic sentences that directly relate to the question prompt. It will enhance the structure and clarity of your main points.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately. Overuse or incorrect use of these can lead to a lack of clarity. There were some instances of repetition and awkward phrasing in your essay.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. The essay mentioned causes and solutions but could expand more on them with greater detail and development.
task achievement
Ideas should be expanded with clear, relevant examples. Specific examples were lacking, which makes your arguments less persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear overall position throughout, and that it answers the question directly and maintains relevancy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Cooperative skills
  • Over-reliance
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Remote work
  • Teamwork
  • Communication skills
  • Conflict resolution
  • Development programs
  • Group-based projects
  • Team-building activities
  • Curriculum emphasis
  • Academic results
  • Technical skills
What to do next:
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