The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar chart illustrates the five major industries in Canada's
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
show examples
in the years of 1850 and 2020 in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
at the end
Linking Words
of the period, the majority of the workforce was recorded as the services industry
while
Linking Words
the energy and water industries' workforces were the very least amount for both given years. In the year 1850, manufacturing
workers
Use synonyms
' contribution was high around 36%
also
Linking Words
second contribution from the services workforce was about 33% and agriculture or fishing
workers
Use synonyms
recorded 22% in
this
Linking Words
period.
However
Linking Words
, the very least amount of employers accounted for energy and construction about 3% and 5% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the year 2020 most influencing industry in Canada was services which was recorded as the highest among them about 82%. But other sectors made the very least contribution around 9% from manufacturing and 8% from construction
workers
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
workers
Use synonyms
from agriculture and energy recorded the same amount of 1% which was the lowest workforce found
at the end
Linking Words
of the period.
Submitted by me.sara22 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words workers with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: