IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many efforts have been made by countries to address challenges concerning the environment but the situation has not improved. What are the possible reasons for environmental degradation? Are there any solutions to combat this problem? Support your answer with specific reasons and examples.

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The degradation of
environment
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the environment
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 has been an emerging issue for many countries. In
this
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 essay, we will analyse possible reasons for environmental damage and suggest measures to tackle
this
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 problem. There are two underlying causes of
this
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 relentless issue. One of the reasons is the over-expansion of cities. For many countries, their priorities are the development of society, leading to the establishment of many infrastructures to accommodate more population,
consequently
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, numerous green spaces are replaced by concrete constructions.
Moreover
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, the growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 contributes to a rising number of private cars, resulting in an increased level of greenhouse effect
due to
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 air pollution.
On the other hand
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, there are multiple ways to combat
this
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 challenge. One effective method can be,
governments
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for governments
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 should include places for planting during the construction of public facilities,
such
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 as including a central park at the city centre
as well as
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 planting more trees along
road sides
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roadsides
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.
Furthermore
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, governments should introduce strict
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
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 to monitor car owners.
For example
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, the transportation department should penalise people who
owned
Wrong verb form
own
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 a petrol car, and encourage them to switch to a more
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
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 friendly vehicle.
In addition
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, the government should allocate more money
in
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to
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 improving the public transportation system, transforming it
to
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into
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 a more comfortable and convenient way of travelling. In conclusion, the reasons for environmental degradation can be the over-development of human society, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to an increased quantity of cars and the diminishment of green areas.
However
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, the government plays a pivotal role in
protection
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the protection
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 of
environment
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the environment
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, and possible tactics can be addressed to
minimised
Wrong verb form
minimise
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problem
Correct article usage
the problem
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.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position, while the conclusion should effectively summarise your arguments without introducing new ideas. Both were present but could be more developed.
logical structure
Develop logical paragraphing with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. While the paragraphs in the essay attempt to do this, they could benefit from clearer and more coherent transitions between points and ideas.
supported main points
Each main point should be well-supported with specific examples and explanations. The essay did mention some examples, but they should be more detailed and directly linked to the arguments being made to provide stronger support.
complete response
To fully respond to the task, ensure that all parts of the question are addressed with equally developed ideas and that the essay remains focused on these throughout. The response did touch on all aspects of the question, but some parts (like the possible solutions) could be expanded further with more details.
clear comprehensive ideas
The main ideas should be clearly and comprehensively presented with no ambiguity. Aim for clarity in your argumentation and avoid unnecessarily complex structures that could confuse the reader. The essay presents clear ideas but occasionally lacks depth.
relevant specific examples
Provide relevant and specific examples to support your points. The examples should be detailed enough to bolster your arguments. While examples are used in the essay, they are rather generic and could have been improved with specific, real-world instances.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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