IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

family members and friends caring for elderly people find it hard to spend enough time looking after them. what are the causes of this problem? what solutions can you suggest?

#members #friends #people #time
In some extended
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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, members are living with their grandmother and father
that
Correct word choice
and
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 it may
need straggling
Verb problem
struggle
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 to take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them, because of their
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
 and disabilities, so the family should make some
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 to protect them. Now I elaborate
reason
Change preposition
on reason
show examples
 and solutions here. The main reason that
appear
Change the verb form
appears
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 with caring elderly is the mental and physical features that will
be exist
Change the verb form
exist
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 in old age;
for
example
Add a comma
example,
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 they cannot do their simple personal task or do
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 too
slow
Change the word
slowly
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 and
this
due to
 needing
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
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help
Add the particle
to help
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 and
usualy
Correct your spelling
usually
 that makes others angry.
In addition
, elderly
people
 Sometimes must have a special diet or
involved
Add a missing verb
are involved
show examples
 with
dieses
Correct your spelling
diseases
 and weakness so
people
 should look after them with medication, drugs and other continuous treatments and
this
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to getting much time from younger and they face to
lake
Correct your spelling
lack
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 of time to pay for children or themselves. In my opinion, these issues may
resolve
Wrong verb form
be resolved
show examples
 in two ways.
Firstly
, all
people
 should be educated about their senility and how can decline the disablement effects by
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise and having
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
also
 they should learn how to help and care
elderly
Change preposition
for elderly
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people
;
consequently
 it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 a shorter old age with
Correct article usage
a
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better prognosis.
Secondly
, if families employ a professional nurse to care
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 elderly
people
, they would have more free time to do their work
furthermore
 aged would take more beneficial caring. In conclusion,
although
 looking after
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
 may seem a tension, because of their disabilities and requisites
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 special attention,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
with teaching and education about
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 or
hire
Wrong verb form
hiring
show examples
 a nurse ,
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be
easer
Correct your spelling
easier
show examples
.
Submitted by elahehghazanfari93 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks clear and logical structuring. Ideas should be more coherently presented and organized into distinct paragraphs. Focus on creating a smooth progression from one paragraph to another by using transitional phrases and clear topic sentences that set out the main idea of each paragraph.
Task Achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task, but your response must be developed further. You should delve deeper into the causes and solutions, providing clearer and more detailed explanations. Specific examples would make your arguments stronger and more convincing. Be sure to fully address all parts of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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